The Greatest Smoke and Mirror Job Since Houdini Escaped From Chains Under Water – Archie Dissects the Brisbane Racing Club’s Annual Report and Shows You Exactly How and Why It’s All Just a Con Job and a Great Big Craven Lie

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The bunch of rorters, troughers, bullsh*t artists, smoke and mirror merchants, tittie show promoters, clowns, cowboys, idiots and incompetent imbeciles destroying Brisbane Racing: if they were horses you wouldn’t feed a single one of ’em. Look at the bunch of expense rorting spenders of other people’s dough – they don’t have a track to stand on.

We’re all confused about four of the BRC management’s inability to look at a single set of numbers and come up with the same figures, but it doesn’t really matter anyway because they’re all of piss and hot air and only telling you about a tenth of the full story so they can make themselves look good, or not so bad anyway.

Let me tell you the actual story about the BRC’s financial performance for the past year, the truth if you will.

The club lost over $800 grand last year.

It borrowed an additional $18 million bucks and is now in the hole to its bookies for more than $52 million all up.

The total debt is 20% more than the entire gross annual revenue the club pulls in, and the debt to asset ration is about 2:3.

Net assets have dropped by nearly a million bucks, despite the privatisation by stealth through joint ventures of almost every spare blade of grass on the Eagle Farm course, none of it on the track itself because it doesn’t have any green stuff on it, just a sh*tload of sub-standard gravel and tonnes of the wrong type of sand.

One of the club’s two tracks is totally inoperative and had been for the better part of the last two years, and will continue to be for most of the next, at the very best.

Dodgy contractors on the BRC construction site killed two workers by allegedly failing to comply with basic safety standards, and the principal contractor is facing criminal manslaughter charges over the matter.

Another contractor – Wayne Innes – is a twice jailed crooked ex-cop who is facing a raft of corruption charges along with a former senior manager of the club Bill Shuck, in addition to host of unrelated charges of corruption out in Ipswich.

The course was blacked out two hours before the big one on Melbourne Cup day because the electrical wiring and switchboards were sh*t, and no-one had bothered to check them, and the club had failed to take the basic precaution of having back up generator power in case of such an eventuality.

The membership growth claimed by the club is total crap, as it is comprised almost entirely of little kids whose Mums and Dad have signed them up as social members for 20 bucks so that the whole family can $200 worth of free entry to the course and benefits, including bucket loads of free popcorn.

In an extraordinary act of inept management the club managed to turn a $74 000 profit on tote operations a year ago into a $31 000 loss. How can anyone on this earth make a loss out of a cash business that rakes a guaranteed 15-25% slice off the top before a race is even run? It’s mind boggling.

Catering and admissions revenue was up 10.5% on the back of increases in food and beverage prices in the vicinity of 20%, but the extra $1.8 million brought in was obliterated by a $2.2 million increase in the cost of providing it.

And there were 39% percent more meetings in 2016/2017 than in the previous year.

With the price rises and the massive increase in the number of meetings catering revenue should exponentially increased by about 50%. That it only increased by just over 10% and then had all of this and more swallowed up in increased expenses is a f*cking scandal, not a bragging point.

The supposed 61% increase in non-racing revenue is not actually detailed or substantiated anywhere in the accounts, but given that catering operations made a loss overall anyway what’s the increase worth in the general scheme of things? And what base was it calculated against? And increase from 9/10th’s of SFA to 6/8th’s of it is hardly a game changer is it?

The $4.4 million dollar increase in operating revenue was a 12% spike on the previous year, but as stated above there were 39% more race meetings held than in the year before, so the increase was in real terms in fact a massive decrease.

In any event the bottom line was that total revenue DROPPED by just under $4 million.

The $1.8 million EBITDA turnaround means absolutely nothing in light of the huge increase to the number or revenue earning events held, and in real terms is also actually a massive loss.

And why is the club boasting about an increase in earnings before interest when it has just taken on an additional $19 million in debt? It’s totally illogical.

Prizemoney dropped from an average of $576 037 per meeting the year before down to an average of $483 560, a decrease of almost 20% and the club were unable to raise any revenue to stem the gap.

Sponsorship was up, but only because Tatts (UBET) came on board to lift it by sponsoring the Stradbroke Handicap. Other than that and the addition of Darley – who actually offered the sponsorship up, not were sold it by Cute Katie’s mob sponsorship was totally moribund and stagnant.

Are you starting to get the picture sportsfans?

Not one single bit of this is me making it up, so don’t believe the bullsh*t that the hapless and hopeless board and management are going to spin you after they read this article. It’s all in the annual report and the financial accounts. If you have any doubts whatsoever about anything I have just told you then simply open up the report and take a look for yourself, you can find it by clicking here.

Now for the real fun bit.

The club paid more than $200 grand in legal fees to Mullins Lawyers, the firm in which BRC Director Curt Schatz is a partner and therefore has a direct beneficial interest. It is also the same firm that Robert ‘Bob’ Lette – a former Racing Queensland Director, friend and business associate of Clip Clop Kevin Seymour, and 20 year Director of his company Watpac – is a major shareholder in.

The payments made to Mullins Lawyers by the BRC were $80 000 higher than the fees paid the year before, an increase of 66%. There was absolutely no commercial benefit in these arrangements for BRC members, as the fees were struck on usual commercial terms that were no more favorable than the fee proposals Mullins makes to any mug who wished to engage their services.

Sure they were declared as a conflict of interest by Curt Schatz, but does anyone actually believe that it makes it alright? There are literally hundreds of law firms in Queensland, and at least a dozen that are of the same quality as Mullins Lawyers, so why the hell does the BRC enter into such a blatantly inappropriate arrangement with the one and only law firm that a Director of the club has a direct financial interest in?

Because the whole f*cking board are troughers who are feathering their own nests and scratching each other’s backs, and if there are any of them who are not then they are knowing and willing accomplices to the rorts because board records show not a single Director has dissented from motions moved to authorise the payments.

It’s not just the Directors who are benefiting from the boat races being organised in the board room either, because payments of short term benefits – that’s salaries and bonuses sportsfans – to Key Management Personnel increased by 18%.

Take it from me a former senior union official and absolute expert in workplace relations, that’s not a pay increase punters it’s a goddamn f*cking bonus, and you can bet your bottom dollar that Whimpey Dave and Cute Katie got the lion’s share of it.

A bonus!

After all you have just read above. The idiots who run the club via the board would have to be absolutely f*cking kidding wouldn’t they?

Nifty Nev when questioned tried to tell me that the whole thing was a good result. Either he (a) thinks I’m a moron, or (b) is an imbecile himself, or (c) is delusional, or (d) is spinning like crazy and lying through his teeth.

This is not a good result, far far from it.

This is a disgrace, and it is only made all so much the worse by the BRC’s blatantly dishonest bullsh*t and spin to its members to make you all believe that the whole thing is actually a win for everyone.

This mob should act like men, admit their failings and all resign from the board, because under the current leadership the only place Brisbane Racing is going is straight to the sh*thouse.

Am I just being negative?

Directors may lie, but numbers don’t.

Kick these bums to touch.

This Mob Couldn’t Organise a Bare Nipple at a Titty Girl Show – It’s No Wonder Whimpey Dave’s Jelly Wrestling Promotions Company Went Broke – How 1 Plus 1 Equals Half a Dozen Different Things in the Brisbane Racing Club 2017 Annual Report

It has been an absolute cracker of a year for the Brisbane Racing Club our esteemed Chairman of the Horde Nifty Neville Bell tells us. An absolute bloody bottler in fact.

Operating revenue’s up from $37 million to $42 million, there’s been a $1.6 million turnaround in earnings before interest, tax, depreciation and amortization (EBITDA), and things are fairly flying. Like a fair bit of what Nifty tells the punters its’ almost half true, but absolute bullsh*t nevertheless, for reasons I’ll explain shortly.

First though to Whimpey Dave, and he says it’s been a ripper of a year too.

Operating revenue’s up $4.4 million (hang on, didn’t Nifty just tell us it was $5 million?), EBITDA’s up $1.6 million, the sportsfan’s spend on booze is up 9% and on food up 16%, sponsorship is up from $2.6 million to $2.9 million, membership’s up 7.3%, there have been weddings for Africa, and the whole joint’s pumping, jumping and absolutely on fire.

Cute Katie (Churchill), the GM of Sales and Marketing, says things are so hot at the BRC they’re sizzling, and she’s not referring to the Bet Fairy Rorts or Little Dickie’s $150 grand kicker because that’s negative, and Katie is a POSITIVE PERSON who only wants CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM not the truth, because that sort of thinking is NEGATIVE and does not have a groovy vibe.

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It’s all about Members and the Corporates for Cute Katie. You turnstile jockey bums in the paddock can go an f*ck yourselves. You don’t even wear Chambray, moleskins and and RM Williams boots and your missus probably can’t even afford to get her hair bleached at the Salon on Racecourse Rd. What bloody good are you plebs to anyone?

Cute Katie tells us membership is up 7% (didn’t Whimpey Dave just say it was 7.3%?), sponsorship is up 7.5% – but then quotes a figure of $340 000 which is over 13% (Whimpey Dave definitely said it was up $300k on a base of $2.6 million, which is 11.5%; I’m getting confused, aren’t we all working off the same set of numbers/), and that non-racing revenue is up 61%.

Director of Operations Paul Williams, a mate of Whimpey Dave’s who used to work with him down at the Gold Coast Convention Centre, agrees with Cute Katie that non-racing revenue is up 61% but then this story diverges from the others, because he says that booze revenue is up 7.1% (Whimpey Dave told us 9%) and that food revenue is up 18.3% (Whimpey Dave said it was 16%).

Confused?

The Brisbane Racing Club management team obviously are.

Looking After Yourself and Your Old China Plates – How BRC Director and CEO Spending on Booze and Junkets Has Increased Nearly Ten-Fold Under the Leadership of Chairman Nifty Nev Bell

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2011 – Year of the Rabbit

Dawson, Bell and Slippery Sam are on the board.

Kevin Dixon is in charge and for all his perceived faults he is not one for lavish spending with someone else’s money, so the all up Board and Executive expenses bill is a most reasonable and properly constrained $14 odd grand, most of spent on sending the CEO somewhere useful to represent the club.

The total Directors spend on themselves in only 3 grand.

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2012 -Year of the Dragon

Little Dickie Morrison joins the board.

Kevin Dixon is still in charge for the first 10 months of year, and the Directors can’t take advantage of his resignation in April by pissing off overseas because in May and June the Winter Carnival’s in full swing, so the Board and Executive spend remains a relatively modest 11 and a half grand.

The Director’s spend is only just over $4 000.

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2013 – Year of the Snake

Nifty Neville Bell becomes Chairman and the brakes come off.

The grog bill doubles and the Director’s travel expenses are suddenly six times what they were the year before, and in the space of a year instead of spending 4 grand of the members money they are now splashing out nearly $18 000 of OP’s (other people’s) cash.

The total expense bill for the Directors and Executive is now almost 26 grand, a tick under 2 1/2 times what it was the year before.

As Karen Carpenter said when she was still eating though, we’ve only just begun.

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2014 – Year of the Horse

Whimpey Dave is appointed CEO and forms a double team with Nifty Nev and the snouts go straight into the trough.

The grog bill suddenly triples, travel almost doubles and the total Director spend ends up nearly twice what it had been in the year before.

But baby you ain’ seen nothing yet.

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2015 – The Year of the Goat

Whimpey Dave goes on overseas fact finding mission. His goal is to find the best hotel room in Europe. Judging by the size of his travel bills he succeeds. The room service bills are not audited for pay for view titty shows and jelly wrestling extravaganzas.

The overall Board and Executive spend goes up 12 grand, or 25%.

But B-b-b-b-baby you still ain’t seen nothing yet

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2016 – The Year of the Monkey

Gleeson, Schatz, Shepherd and Svenson join the board.

The new Directors must travel to Royal Ascot and on to the Kentucky Derby on a team building exercise, because the travel bill quadruples and what was a 10 grand spend just 5 years ago is now nudging $100 000.

The combined entertainment and travel bill almost doubles, an is now over $110 000.

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2017 – The Year of the Rooster

The Board of Directors and the CEO remain unchanged, and with the stability of tenure the boys settle in to their trough snouting stride.

Nifty Nev must have gone on the wagon because the grog bill drops by 2/3rds.

The Directors spend in travel increases marginally – the price of Bollinger must have gone up at Royal Ascot – but new CFO Big Basil Jong doesn’t like the races, so he passes on the boys only trip overseas, and as a result the overall Board and Executive expenses bill falls by the price of his travel package to just under $100 000.

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Clip Clop Kev’s Real Agenda in Alberton – And the Design Plans to Prove It

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The image above is the plan for the Yatala track that Clip Clop Kev submitted to the Gold Coast City Council.

The area where the proposed drainage channel is located is part of the rezoned and now joined separate parcels of land, but as you can see in the plans Clip Clop has signaled no intent to build anything on it.

I guess that application must be coming later – probably after RQ stump up the infrastructure dough to allow Kev to get the whole thing happening – because our favorite trotting man has plans for the site alright.

After all, Kev doesn’t believe in potentially productive land that he owns sitting idle. Just ask him he’ll tell you.

If he won’t though I will.

Here are the plans, brought to you live and exclusive by the proprietors and mug punters of the Geebung Polo Club.

As my old punting mate from gun country would say, Yeah Good Kevin.

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Giddy Ups, Gee Ups and 200 Bucks in Return For Twenty and a Super Sized Performance Bonus – Cute Katie and Whimpey Dave Have Got the Whole Course Covered – I Wonder if They Change the Little Jockeys Nappies Too?

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Wow!

Whimpey Dave and Nifty Nev Bell have increased the membership of the Brisbane Racing Club by 7.3%!

‘Isn’t that just fantastic? Aren’t they great administrators?

No actually it isn’t, and they’re not.

The number of members aged 30 and over has decreased by 76, or 3.5%.

The number of members aged 18-29 has dropped by 112, or 45%, and now numbers a miserable grand total of 135.

So much for the future of racing you might be thinking, bit don’t despair for their are huge rays of hope on the horizon and little big lights at the end of the tunnel.

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The three grand a year corporate member numbers have grown by a massive 48%. There are now 44 of the special sportsfans sucking on $600 more worth of oysters and prawns than their membership fees costs, and that can only be a good thing for the club, the trawler fisherman and the Queensland economy.

Well maybe not the club.

Losing money on a deal is never really quite the path to business glory.

Never fear though, because the next generation is on its way. The little tackers may not be able to read or write yet – most of them can’t even speak or walk – but they love the thoroughbred, just like Whimpey Dave does.

The kiddies club – Giddy Up! – membership has exploded, increasing by 351 in the space of a single year, accounting for the entire 7.6 percent increase in membership and more. How brilliant a membership marketing strategy was that?

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All cute Katie Churchill and her crew needed to do was to stand next to the spotted replica horse next to the gate, offer parents free entry to 4 race meetings a year valued at minimum of $120, throw in a yo-yo, a badge, a lanyard, a certificate, a birthday card, free popcorn for Africa, a special individual ice-cream cake on the kiddies birthday, and invites to a special superheroes marquee and Bob’s your bloody uncle and Luck George is your mate and whooshka, for an all-up expenditure by the club of about $200 bucks a head in return for a $20 one-off fee the BRC membership goes through the roof and cute Katie, Whimpey Dave and the crew tick off their KPI targets and cop a performance super healthy bonus on top of their already super-sized salary.

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Archie Butterfly need not apply

Everyone’s winner. Except of course for the members who have just subbed the new Giddy Up Cuddlies nappy wearer and their parents 10 times the price of their membership fee, but who’s complaining? After all. its all about bringing new punters to the track, even it will be 16 years before they can legally place a bet.

How good is that sporstfans?

Almost as good as the hundred my mate In Like just won off Feathers I reckon.

Giddy up!

Positioning For Growth – By Planting Seeds in a Field Full of Horse Manure – The Racing Queensland Infrastructure Plan That Doesn’t Really Exist Except in the Imaginations of the Manure Dumpers

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The 10km radius surrounding the Stapylton community is an example within the southern corridor of Brisbane showing strong potential to engage with harness (43%) / greyhound (50%) racing – Racing Queensland Infrastructure Plan (above)

Bullsh*t.

Total and utter bullsh*t.

1. Stapylton is not within the southern corridor of Brisbane, it’s in the Gold Coast council area and Logan City is located in between.

2. The Stapylton community comprises exactly 445 people.

3. A radius is the distance from the middle of a trotting track to the edge of the outer circle, not a demographic group of potential trot or dog racing fans.

4. According to the Roy Morgan Helix Personas research that this absolute attempted con job by Racing Queensland is based upon, only 3.2% of Australians bet on a greyhound race in the last year. It is therefore impossible that 50% of people within 10k’s of Stapylton want to go to the dogs, unless they are the only ones in Queensland who are betting on the yappers.

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5. The Roy Morgan Helix Personas research excludes harness trots, whatever they are – read it again – so the numbers RQ have produced on potential engagement with harness racing are simply imaginary, and a crock of utter crap.

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6. There are only 31 harness racing drivers in the whole of Queensland, and less than 500 licensed people in the entire industry. By contrast there are about 4 million people in the state, and roughly a million of them live in the Ipswich/Logan/Gold Coast region. What are the chances of 500 magically turning into half a million if Racing Queensland build a track in the middle of a cane farm in the middle of nowhere?

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7. The extensive research is based on a crookedly selective cut from the Roy Morgan Helix Personas database which as stated does not include harness racing research – harness trots as the cold callers call it – and a survey of 400 people, nine-tenths of whom just so happen to live to the south and west of Brisbane.

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8. The Infrastructure Plan is not a plan at all, it is simply a summary of a plan. We have attempted to obtain a full copy of the plan – if there really is such a thing – but to date have had absolutely no success, which is not at all surprising given our doubts about such a document actually existing at all.

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9. What Racing Queensland aren’t telling you is that the whole grand harness racing relocation scheme is based upon the sale of Albion Park, or that the whole thing will fall down if Clip Clop Kev doesn’t drop his strategic Supreme Court action against them.

10. The less than 2% of people within a 10km radius of Albion Park is well above the average number of  150 sportsfans who actually attend a dog or trot meeting in Queensland in any given week.

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11. We all have potential to do something. I have the potential to root Miranda Kerr, and if the stars were to align correctly I just might. But the odds are long, almost as long as the Racing Queensland faux engagement figures ever coming to fruition.

12, Did I ever mention that Racing Queensland want to sell Albion Park?

 

 

The Alberton-Atlantis Harness Racing Club ‘Not Waving But Drowning’ 1609m Life Jacket Lovers Mobile Pace – Proudly Sponsored by the Clip Clop Kevin and Kay Seymour Surfboard and Raft Society Inc.

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This document is the flood risk assessment for the proposed Yatala Harness Racing Club track at Alberton that was submitted to the Gold Coast City Council by the Clip Clop Kevin and Kay Seymour owned Seymour Group as part of their development application for the rezoning of a cane farm into a harness racing circuit.

Note the degree of hazard identified by Clip Clop’s own engineers.

Now look at this below – it is also part of the assessment lodged by Clip Clop’s engineers.

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Babies, kids and the elderly have a fair chance of drowning if the heavens open during a race meeting at the Alberton track.

Lovely isn’t it?

But it’s bullsh*t.

The risk is not medium at all. It is extreme.

At this point I should tell you that I know a more than a little somewhat about floods and flood risk management.

It’s a topic dear to my heart because my good mate John Tyson’s wife and son died in a flood, and their deaths were preventable, although the general public doesn’t know that because a systematic conspiracy to avoid liability for massive state liability for compensation, protect senior police officers, and try to win an election on the back of being a flood hero – we are talking Anna Bligh here – has meant that the real story about Donna and Jordan Rice’s deaths has never been allowed to be told, except on this site.

Back to the Alberton harness racing track.

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The document I am quoting from is the Flood Evacuation Plan for the site, or is supposed to be anyway, but unfortunately whilst its authors expound at some lengths about the so-called measures Clip Clop has taken to get punters, drivers, owner and trainers the f*ck out of the site if a torrent hits, the Flood Evacuation Plan doesn’t actually provide a flood evacuation plan, only a pretty picture of a walkway that doesn’t exist.

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The image of this imaginary bridge over troubled waters is on the first page of the flood evacuation plan that isn’t, and sets the tone for the rest of the potentially fatal f*cking bullshit that follows in the ‘plan’.

Here’s the actual facts.

The proposed ‘Metropolitan’ harness racing club is built next to a river that any indigenous Australian will tell you has been flooding for millions of years, and the real flood levels are not 0.6 – 0.8 meters as claimed, they are in fact three and a half to four and a half meters.

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This below is the extent of the ‘flood evacuation plan’ submitted by Clip Clop’s mob and accepted by the Gold Coast City Council.

It’s absolute f*cking genius isn’t it?

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Ever read the poem ‘Not Waving But Drowning’?

Probably not,.

If you go to the trots at Alberton when it’s raining – not that you ever will, because they are going to call the Thursday and Friday arvo events off the minute a drop falls – then you probably never will, not unless you are wearing a life jacket anyway.

Age shall not weary us.

It shall just make us old, and out of touch.

Clip clop, clip clop …..

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Drowning in the Sey(Mour) of Love

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This above is an emergency warning issued by the Gold Coast Council in late January 2013, during a weather event that wasn’t really much more than your average garden variety cyclone that hit the coast of Central Queensland 500 K’s away to the north.

The image below is Alberton just 6 months ago after Cyclone Debbie hit Mackay and the Whitsundays about 1200km to the north.

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Alberton’s a great place to build a harness racing club isn’t it? An absolute cracker.

As long as you can swim.