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It’s a cracker of a joint Nanango, Queensland’s fourth oldest town that’s stuck in the middle of bloody nowhere between the hot spots of Yarraman and Kingaroy. Because no-one in their right mind lives there except the 3000 odd citizens that can’t escape, the place stands as a relic and a reminder of the faux-religious zealot who for almost 30 years ruled the Queen’s land, and sent the State of Sunshine into the darkness of the moral abyss.

I refer of course to Joh, who like Cher and Madonna and Bob before him doesn’t need a surname. The peanut growing grifter and a-class crook entered the public stage via Nanango, winning the seat way back in 1947 and holding if for a single term before the Electoral Commission abolished it in the forlorn hope of forcing an early exit for the weirdo who lived for 2 decades in a cow shed with his beloved bovines. They had no luck of course because the mater criminal simply swindled his way into the newly created seat of Barambah in 1950 and the rest, as they say, is history.

It took another half a century before the Nanango electorate rose from the ashes so that another oddball could stride across George Street and into the House of Dreams. In one of those odd bits of irony this time it was Barambah that was established and that seats local member who slipped across and into the Nanango chair.

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Do ya reckon Dolly’s hubbies name’s Ken?

Dorothy Pratt was her name – Dolly to her friends – a former cattleyard worker and coffee shop proprietor originally from Coffs Harbour. Dolly first came to notice when as one of Pauline’s Patsy’s in One Nation she won Barambah in 1998. She’s been selected as a candidate after attending a pro-gun rally (as you do after a massacre like that at Port Arthur) and meeting the fisho with the flaming locks of auburn hair, but after a year wailing like Dolly’s god-daughter ‘Pauline, Pauline, Pauline, Pauline – I’m begging of you please don’t hate Japan’ and getting a deafening silence in return she bailed. After all if the Asians wouldn’t buy her constituent’s Kilcoy beef at inflated prices then who the hell would?

So Dolly left and became an independent, and the cow farmers loved her for it and kept re-electing her for a decade until she gave up the ghost and trundled off to enjoy being a Grandma in 2011, her job done and the Kilcoy Bypass built. Dolly’s successor was Deb from the LNP, a good sort who made the final of our hottest candidate competition last month (we’ll announce the results when the writs are released).

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Deb’s results in 2012 and 2015 – that’s what you call swimming against the tide

Deb proved just as popular as Dolly, if not more, and was I think the only LNP candidate to defy the swing at last month’s election and actually increase their vote. I’ll stand corrected if I’m wrong, but it was a herculean feat in an election where double-digit swing against her party were all the vogue, and you’d have to thing that unless Deb was caught in Joh’s old cow shed doing untoward things with the four-legged moo-moo girls, then she’s hold the seat for eternity, or as long as she wants to anyway.

I strongly suspect however that we won’t see her Labor Party opponent from 2015 back in the political game again any time soon, despite that fact that she appears to be a good mate of our old friend Chris Ketter, the Senator for Bigotry, Homophobia and Vilification (shares a few things in common with his factional mate the Bovver Boy doesn’t he, but I’m not sure that agree on religion, or that Bovver’s homophobic, but nothing would surprise given his recent antics).

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The candidate in question is an old duck from the metropolis of beautiful Benarkin, a hidden paradise just North-East of Blackbutt where you can still buy five acres of prime dirt for under a hundred grand, and only 10 minutes from church and all!

Liz Hollens-Riley is the true believer from Benarkin’s name, although we’ll call her Loves Halal-Proudly, for reasons soon to be explained. She’s the secretary of the Blackbutt & Benarkin Community Council; a proud supporter of the Bloomin Beautiful Blackbutt Festival; and a keen woodworker.

She’s also an out-and-out racist and xenephobe who would leave One Nation’s Dolly for dead when it comes to holding irrational hatred and bitterness in her heart, although the Bovver Boy might be able to give her a close run.

You see old Loves Halal-Proudly is one of those A-Grade hypocrites like Bovver, and just like his factional mate Shayne ‘Alfred E.’ Neumann too.

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In Neumann’s case his hypocrisy rests in the conflict between his long-time Baptism – he’s an elder of the Qld Church – and his fervent support for the blood-sucking battler-bashing poker machine industry so beloved by their representative the Branch Stacker. And you know all about the Bovver Boy’s repudiation of the biblical dictum of practicing what you preach, but as he’s now finding out it is by their Sins that you shall know them.

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And by Loves Halal-Proudly’s ranting once the votes were in and she was let off Alvin’s leash we come to know her, and thank the good Lord and Deb that she won’t be entering the House of Broken dreams any time soon.

You see the Benarkin belle is quick to tell us all to be responsible and respectful, but even quicker to disrespect the rights and religious practices of Aussies who practice a different faith to the Christian religions so beloved by the Branch Stacker and Alfred E., and reviled in equal part by the Bovver Boy.

There are none to blind as those that can’t see they say, so how do you reckon old Loves Halal-Proudly’s Facebook post below – published just a few days after the ballot boxes closed – sits with her telling the local rag that she strongly believed in social-inclusion only a few days before.?

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It gets better though. How about this one?

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F**k me. Next thing you know she’ll be working at The Services Union!

Now I’m rather fond of a local country meet, and regular travel up to the Bible Belt to have a live punt on the nags at the Kilcoy or Nanango tracks. When I’m up there I always pop into town to say G’day to the locals and have a yarn with the old blokes you find sitting on a bench in the main street of every Queensland country town.

And I can put my hand on my heart and honestly say that in all my years of travel in the broader Blackbutt burgh I have never, ever seen a Halal wearing. Not a single one. Muslims are rarer that a hard day’s graft by the Bovver Boy up in this neck of the woods.

So what the hell is the bird from Benarkin on about? What has she got against these people that she doesn’t even know? Is there a strain of a family named Jones running through the cold blood clearly running through her veins? And doesn’t she bloody know that Islamic Indonesia is the biggest buyer of Aussie beef?

More to the point – what is this woman doing in the Labor Party?

Expel her Accidental Anna. Right now!

Because bigotry has no place in the modern ALP, none at all.

Does it Ben?