A couple of days ago – after I’d plonked my own precious cash on of course, loose lips and all that – I tipped you into the greatest certainty since I declared that the primary school prick loving George Pell was a Pedo.
The said dead cert is a horse named Chautauqua, an absolutely stunning grey gelding whose name in the Native American language of Iroquois means ‘the place where the jumping fish are taken out’, which translated into Aussie means ‘throw your line in and you’ll reap an absolute motza’.
Which is apt given that the giant killing grey has won 7 of it’s last 11 starts, without missing a place, and picked up more than $3 million bucks in the process as it obliterated highly-spruiked challenger after challenger and kicked every newcomer’s rump.
And so it was, so it is, and so it will always be, the best thing since Uma Thurman will kick their butts again tomorrow, just like Uma did in the dance comp in Pulp Fiction and the fight scene in Kill Bill, and even folk with extreme anxiety disorders caused from being pumped by Pell don’t have to worry about that.
But if you’ve been f*cking around and to-ing and fro-ing and thinking to yourself ‘ooh, agh, the mainstream media reckon the young horse Exosphere is the winner, and how do I know that Archie’s got it right?’ then:
(A) You’re not a regular reader of this website;
(B) You didn’t see Exosphere’s last start down the straight, and therefore don’t realise that like Peter Costello it’s just an over-rated gutless cat;
(C) You’re a moron;
(D) You’ve missed the price.
And you deserve to take unders too, because the true Butterfly believers on Tuesday caught the bus down to the bank and dipped deep into the well, and having taken the tip and lobbed their life savings on the greatest of good things ever to gallop on the Flemington green they scored two buck and seventy cents for every large gold coin they lashed out on the answer to their fiscal dreams.
It’s a case of the quick and the dead however, and Harry or Henrietta who hesitate get lost, and so now you’re down to $2.40 for your dollar as the whole world channels the child journos from the Australian and jumps aboard Archie’s bandwagon.
I’ll tell you what though, it’s still juicy odds, .but only as long as it lasts, because come start time tomorrow the champion Chautaqua will be into odds on, and that’s an odds on certainty, don’t you worry about that.
The TAB opens at 9 this morning. If you’re not battering down the door and pushing over the pensioners to splash your cash on the Chat then you God save Pedo Pell, because nothing can save a financially illiterate half-wit like you.