‘Hey Mum! You’ve been reading the Courier-Mail since Eve was potting them from the edge of the circle for the Garden of Eden Geebung Firebirds’ yells a bewildered young Archie from the dunny, where he is reading the Linkedin page of a bird named Kylie Lang, who earns a quarter of a million bucks a year seemingly for nothing other than tripping the light fantastic with the top-end toffs of BrisVegas, and who has just written a trippy piece about gender equality for the mad rooter Rupert’s News Corp.

Of course Rooting Rupery’s huge on gender equality, and among the 400 plus titles that he owns, there is nary a sheila to be seen.

I’d prove it to you, but this is the weird thing.

Less than an hour ago I was looking at company searches that showed all the directors of the Rooting Rupert-related companies that I’d been searching for the better part of the morning. And then, all of a sudden, my screen started flickering, and suddenly I found myself locked out of the account I use to search such things.

F*ck me I thought to meself, don’t get paranoid Arch. Take a break, and gather your thoughts, for there has to be a logical explanation for this phenomenon that has just occurred, and has happened three times in the past 5 days, and crashed and burned the other couple of computers along the way, detonating their hard drives in the process.

So to pass the time while I composed my thoughts I googled such things as Rupert might like to google when he’s bored and with nothing to do. And so I typed in young Asian girls, and teens doing lesbian, and schoolgirls who like ugly old newspaper proprietors, and plenty of videos of exploited young Ukrainian and Indian girls popped up on the screen, and let me tell you not a single one held a candle to the bead-twirler or the Balmain Tiger or Alice from Wonderland or the Goddesses or the Queen of Cairnstown or any other woman I’ve ever met to boot.

Then I flicked back to the company searches.

And guess what?

They were goddamn gone!

I know I’m as crazy as a fox, but I swear on my daughter’s lives that half an hour ago I was viewing company searches on businesses such as News Ltd, who have had 31 recent Credit Searches and thus displayed all the details such as Directors and Shareholders and Other Business Names that any investigative journo could or would want to see.


But now suddenly, they’re gone!

Weird huh?


Maybe it’s time to lock old Archie up and throw away the key.


I shouldn’t give them too many ideas.

Welcome to the Twilight Zone.

Lucky I took and kept some screenshots isn’t it.

‘Hey Mum! What country did I send those pictures to?’

Sometimes being paranoid’s not as bad as the bad boys claim.