The Pannacotta Premier of Queensland – who has achieved exactly nothing by way of policy since being unexpectedly elevated to power a year ago – continues to talk tough and threaten a snap election that she is likely to lose, while she tries to get her head around what has just happened while she had her eyes closed, and wonders how the hell Archie Butterfly – the psychiatric patient who everyone around her said was a loon, particularly those that have worked extensively with him and know him well, or so they think anyway – had known for months about the bomb that has just exploded right in the centre of the left of her government.

Clearly the accidental Premier is not a fan of Tennyson, for is she were then surely she would appreciate his dictum that

Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death rode the 42.

But you can bet your bottom dollar that some difficult questions have asked today of certain MP’s, political advisers, lobbyists and branch stackers well known to your correspondent, the main one being

‘Okay, okay!  I know the bastard’s mad, but why the hell did you tell me that he was delusional? Didn’t you see he picked Hong Kong Tony years before anyone else twigged to the con? And Pearls? And Fast Eddie? And Nimrod resources? And all the others? It’s not him who’s mad – it’s you! You bloody idiots!’

I wonder what Sparky had to say? I wonder if he was asked.

He’s gone rather quiet lately hasn’t he old Peter Simpson, the Qld Secretary of the ETU?

Don’t worry though sportsfans, my 2 year legal gag on writing about the union leader who helped install Campbell Newman as Kaiser of the House of Broken Dreams has now been lifted, so you’ll be hearing plenty about the brightest Spark in South Brisbane over the weeks and months ahead, and Charlie the Boss’s Stooge – who proved my nickname for him absolutely prophetic and spot on during the latter stages of the Salem Witch trials – will be back on these pages as well, and the Junkyard Dog will I am sure show up too.

But back to Pannacotta, a mate of each of three chaps mentioned in the paragraph above, and the Queensland Premier without a single clue is shouting to anyone who will listen that she will ‘not let any MP try to scuttle her government’s attempts to pass job creating legislation’, and if any blasted b*stard tries it on, she’s gunna call a snap election.

I myself prefer snap erections to card games of chance, but then again when I’m playing in the erection stakes I usually have a clue and a plan, but the poor old Princess has neither, despite her tough grrrrlll talk.

You see, the fundamental problem with playing the role of the Clint Eastwood of Queensland politics – You lookin at me punk? You lookin at me?  – is that like Janey, ya have to have a gun, or least if your name’s Annie ya gotta go get one.

In political terms a gun is a piece of legislation, in Pannacotta’s case a well-thought out and typed tome of law that you intend to enact to create jobs and save young Sunshine Stater’s from the rock n’ roll queue and the ignominy of watching the State of Origin on the small screen at the Inala pub because due to their dole bludging status they can’t afford even a nosebleed ticket to the Cauldron to watch the Cane Toads crucify the cockroaches for the 10th year out of 11.

Not that that’s likely to happen with hapless KD Walters in charge of the show, but the mug punter lives in hope and dreams of a job and a hard-earned ducket or three instead of a dole cheque, so they can buy some outrageously priced merchandise and plastic cup or six of mid-strength beer at 10 bucks a shot and have their heart broken live at the ground by their team’s new coach and his insanity.

Job, jobs, jobs, that’s what Assetstacia says it’s all about, and no wheelchair-bound whinger or unconvicted alleged wife basher is going to stop her passing legislation to create them.

There’s just one problem. She doesn’t have any.

Laws, bills, legislation or clues that is.

There’s not even a paddle-pop stick for a scurrilous seven-year-old mutinous pirate to scuttle.

Absolutely bloody nothing, that’s the sum total of what our girl has to offer by way of meeting her mantra and creating jobs.

So I guess the chances of Queensland heading to a snap poll are about as good as the chances of Rob Pyne allowing his well-thought out and executed strategy to expose the corruption at the rotted core of Queensland politics be derailed by teaming up with the demented, revenge-motivated mediocrity Joanne Miller.

Zip, nil, nada.

I hate to tell ya Annie, but it’s time to suck it up and face the music luv. The Billy, Bob, Rob and Shane show’s got your gun, and thanks to the incompetence of your advisers and your caucus they’ve got you over an absolute barrel. There’s nothing you can do Princess but pay the price, and remember what the old sage Richo said – ya gotta do whatever it takes.

Even if it means listening to that loony Archie bloody Butterfly.


Onward and upward, and let’s get this State moving.

Snap erections forever!