A little bird told me late last night that a certain prestigious BrisVegas private boys school is about to find itself dead centre of the eye of the Child Abuse Royal Commission storm, and that a certain ex-Tasmanian priest turned local Archbishop just may well find himself in more trouble than Flash Gordon and George Pell combined.

The school in question is the Anglican Church Grammar School – better known to the denizens of the world’s finest river city as Churchie – and the one-time Apple Island priest is none other than our old mate Dr Phil, aka the Most Reverend Phillip Aspinall, better known to the sportsfans as ‘F*ck Ya All Aspinall’.

Now if you thought that the Grammar and St Paul’s scandals were huge – and mark my words, they bloody well are, as the report from Case Study 34 will attest when it is finally delivered – then as they say in the classics, B-B-B-Baby You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet, for the scandalous goings on both at Churchie and in the most aptly named Archdiocese of Brisbane are set to knock your socks off.

If the bird, bird, bird, bird is the word, then Dr Phil might just find himself doing a bit of bird himself, for some of the matters the Royal Commission are rumoured to be about to investigate will make the average punter sick to the stomach and lead to them asking ‘What the hell are you doing here Dr Phil? You don’t belong here’.

My tip is that warrants have been served all over town, and that these official documents have had a lot to do with the decision by the lawyers and lay folk on the Churchie school council to rip down the name of the once revered Headmaster Harry Roberts – a man who without any shadow of a doubt covered up pedophilia, despite the ignorant defenders cries – from the school’s buildings. In war it’s called a preemptive strike, or a forward defense, whichever description you prefer, but either way the case study about to be called is going to cause a whole lot of people a whole lotta pain.

I just have one question for you to whet your hungry whistle.

Which chap who holds an extremely exalted post in Queensland was a student at Churchie during Harry Roberts reign; was a member of the Council of his old school from 1990 to 1997; became Chancellor of the Anglican Diocese of Brisbane (honorary legal adviser to the Archbishop) from 1991 to 2014; and in 2014 was named Chancellor Emeritus of the Anglican Diocese of Brisbane?

I’ll give you a clue.

The same chap is the Official Visitor to Brisbane Grammar School.

And while at university served for five years part-time in the Citizens’ Military Force, in the Queensland University Regiment – an institution said by many to have been a hotbed of weirdness and child loving, if you know what I mean – and was commissioned as a lieutenant in the regiment in 1969?

Why is this chap nicknamed ‘Daphnis’ by the mad former cartoonist and almost certain crook Larry Pickering? And why hasn’t the chap sued Pickering for labeling him so?


Who are these senior legal and government figures whose names that a former Juvenile Aid bureau police officer told Brisbane’s best writer Matthew Condon he found in the indexed child-porn files of international pedophile ringmaster Clarence Osborne?

And whose names exactly were suppressed for 65 years by Commissioner Tony Fitzgerald after being found in police records discovered by his eponymous inquiry? The records in question relating to a brothel named Brett’s Boys that provided the sexual services of under-age boys to grown, perverted men who liked nothing better than a bit of young and perhaps rough trade?

I have not provided any links to these allegation that are not made, but merely republished, by me. The reason for this is that I am unsure if the Supreme Court will grant me an adjournment of 65 years to discover the relevant documents should the current Governor of Queensland elect to launch defamation action against me for repeating these most damning facts and claims. But you can easily Google them if you are interested.


What was that I just said?

‘Yeah, yeah Mum – I’m coming to bed. But first I have to delete a few things from this story I have just written, including a certain name. It’s really important Mum!’

‘What’s that? No, don’t whack me! I’m coming, I’m coming! Just like they did. The editing can wait until tomorrow!’

But does tomorrow ever come?

The bufty boys from Churchie are about to find out.