Sometimes you stand and watch a man about about to set himself on fire and wonder whether you should bolt to grab an extinguisher, but just as you are about to take your first step a little voice inside tells you to stand still, because the minute you douse the moron’s self-immolated flame he will simply pick up the Bic and do it again.

That’s what watching Malcolm Turnbull’s leadership of the Liberal Party is like. Even though you hate him, and his hubris turns your head upside down, his haplessness just makes you want to hold his hand and tell him ‘Mal, Mal, you have it all wrong!’

I mean, here we have the aesthete of an unelected PM deciding that it’s time to be a tough guy, and setting what he thinks is a strafer, but in fact is simply a suicide bomb, by cocking the trigger at the cuckolders on the cross-benches and telling the twits that if they don’t pass the piece of legislation that even he doesn’t really believe in then he’s going to call a double-dissolution election, cross his heart and hope to die, stick a f*cking needle in his own eye.

The bloke’s a raving loon, a dead set political babe in the woods who has had it so easy his own life that he doesn’t have the wildest clue about the bushfire he has just started inside the perimeter of his own fire zone.

Does the dolt not realise that Senator’s like the Brick With Eyes and Smack Me Jacqui Lambie and Tricky Ricky Muir are going to salivate at the prospect of having to win only half a quota rather than a full whack in order to keep swilling at the trough?

To explain this simply sportsfans, in the usual half Senate election there are 6 tossers from each state elected to the House of the Bludging Fun, and 1 joker from each sh*thole of a territory, and to get there they need what’s called a quota, which in the State’s is 1/6 of a hundred plus one, which equates to 16.66% after preferences, plus one vote.

But in a double dissolution election there are 12 Senators elected in each state, and two in the cesspits capitalised by Darwin and Canberra, and thus a clown needs only 8.33% of the idiots holding a ballot paper to tick 1 next to their name to continue along their merry path of doing sweet f*ck all and being paid handsomely to do so.

Think about it punters. What would you prefer? A red hot rambunctious election where you had to win 1 in 6 votes, or an early poll where you can bash the crap out of the puller who pulled the poll and only need to drag one drongo’s vote in a dozen to ensure that you hold onto your expense account and your future post-parliamentary pension?

It’s an absolute no-brainer, is it not?

To everyone but Malcolm Turnbull that is.

The Detonator. That’s his new name.

A man who likes nothing better than pulling his own rifle and discharging a blank.

Is is any wonder that he made his name as a Merchant Banker?

Some things just never change.

merchbank