Under the fake guise of care and concern for the well being of poor greyhounds, the Queensland Government and their big business mates and donors are pulling off the greatest swindle in Queensland racing since the Fine Cotton fiasco.

Or they were anyway, until about exactly this moment, when I unveil the wholesale fraud that if I hadn’t said a word was about to be perpetrated on both participants in the racing industry, and on the punters of the Pineapple State at large.

Like most swindles sportsfans, its complicated, so follow closely and listen to what I am about to tell you.

I’ll do my best to explain in it layperson’s language, but you have to stick with me, and read and understand what I’m saying.

Because what you are about to learn is the absolute truth, and if you don’t read this particular form guide then you are naught but a fool who is about to be f*cked regally, and you and your money will soon be parted.

So let’s get the race day of revelations started.

Race 1 – The All Care and No Responsibility Stakes

The legislation reprinted below is the current law governing the administration of thoroughbred, harness and greyhound racing in Queensland.

It’s called the Racing Act 2002, and this is what is says about the statutory authority established to run the game.

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There are three key things you need to be aware of.

  1. The All Codes Racing Industry Board – the outfit that administers each of the 3 racing industries – is a statutory body under the Financial Accountability Act 2009.

This means that the people running racing are responsible for properly managing the public money that goes into and flows from the game, and are accountable for their actions to both the industry and to the people of Queensland.

Putting it simply, the b*stards have to tell us where they get their money from, how much of the stuff they have, and how they spend it.

And their spending has to comply with the principles of fair play.

In other words, they can’t do dodgy deals with their mates and not tell us.

2. The All Codes Board must comply with the strictures imposed by the Statutory Bodies Financial Accountability Act 1982. 

This piece of law is bloody complicated and difficult for the mug punter without a law degree to understand. I don’t have one either, but I’m from Geebung and have been hanging around the track since I was 5 years old – my first raceday memory is Pay the Purple beating Veil Kingdom in the 1974 Labor Day Cup – so I know full well a scam when I see one, and can break it down into easily understandable chunks, even if it is written in top-end-of-town wankerese.

The guts of it is this.

Under the current laws the Richard’s and Rhonda’s who run racing can’t trouser the cash, send it off to be invested in their mate’s investment funds or banks, or sell any State-Owned asset that’s not their own.

Things like racetracks, or the land that they are situated on, for example.

Get the picture?

I’ve lit it pretty large.

3. The wranglers in charge of racing are public officials, and as such if they turn on a Fine Cotton-like rort their actions can and will be scrutinised by the State-run Crime and Misconduct Commission, and a spell in the Big House awaits if they are found to have pulled a Hayden Haitana sized scam.

To sum it up, the jokers in charge of the public jug have to tell us how full it is, and fart in public every time they want to pour some of the amber liquid out, which I’m sure you’ll agree is fair enough, given that the tracks and the turnover tax and the take from racing is owned by each of us, the mug punters of the Pineapple State.

So take a look at this.

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The board is not a body corporate and does not represent the State.

Who the f*ck does it represent then?

One guess.

Big business.

The mates of the four ‘independent’ Racing Queensland board members who have been appointed by their mates in Government with a mandate to screw us from sunrise to sunset, and just so happen to hold a majority on the board allowing them to do so.

Come in spinner.

Yep, we’re being taken for fools my friends, for if this bullsh*t legislation cloaked under the veil of ‘animal protection’ is passed then the minute the Queen’s queen who runs that State and goes by the title Guv’nor strokes his pen then none of the above applies.

All of a sudden the Racing Board ain’t a Body Corporate anymore, and the people in charge of Racing Queensland are in an instant no longer responsible to the punters of the Pineapple State, and can do whatever the f*ck they like, including selling Deagon, Doomben or Duaringa race courses lock, stock and smoking barrel, if that’s what takes their fancy and floats their boat.

Think I’m kidding you?

Think again.

It’s a ring-in, and all that’s missing is Chief Steward Andy Tindall.

Yep, if this legislation is passed then it’s rabbit hunting season Sportsfans.

And guess what? We’re the bunnies.

Or we were while we were down doing what we do at trackwork in the dark anyway.

But now Archie’s turned the lights on, and suddenly we can see.

Oh goodness me, I’m sorry Gracie.

Larceny just wasn’t meant to be easy.