I was driving out through Mitcham
Heard a lonesome railroad whistle,
So I stopped beside the highway for a spell,
And in this pleasant place,
Was a notice well displayed,
With a story I am now about to tell.


You’re not a lawyer, and neither am I, but if you’ve spent a significant period of your life kicking around the racecourse you don’t need an LLB to able to spot a sting.

So can you see it?

I can.

The current laws governing racing are those extracted above from the Racing Act 2002.

The key phrase is ‘responsibility for the management of the relevant codes of racing’.

This means that the All Codes Board that runs Racing Queensland have to manage each of the thoroughbred, harness and greyhound codes with equal diligence, and not f*ck any of them over in favor of one of the others.

It doesn’t mean that any individual code needs to be treated more favorably than another, but rather that each of the three need to be managed appropriately in accordance with their standing in the great game.

Fair enough?

I think so.

But – drum roll please Spandex – look at the wording of the new proposed laws below.


If this ring-in of a piece of legislation is passed, then all of a sudden the codes no loner need to be managed separately, but rather the board of Racing Queensland must manage the sport/business/scam ‘in a way that is in the best interests of the board codes of racing collectively while having regard to the interests of each individual code’.

They’re just words aren’t they Sportsfans?

No they’re f*cking not.

What this means if this law is passed is that the three codes no longer each need to be managed on their individual merits – and have recourse to sue RQ’s arse off if they aren’t – but rather that the ‘collective good’, whatever that communist or capitalist notion means, over-rides the direct wants and needs of each particular racing code, as long as RQ has some ‘regard’ to the ‘interests’ of the dogs, trots and thoroughbred industries.

Is this legal wankery a bit much for you punters?

Then let me put it in the language of the track.

It’s a boat race, and it’s red-f*cking hot.

The fix is well and truly in, for if the Government-appointed majority of the seven member RQ board decide that the collective best interests of the industry rest in selling up all the inner city tracks – Doomben, Eagle Farm, Deagon and Albion Park – and moving the whole box and dice to a whizz-bang 3 code newly built multi-purpose track in the major political donor Bob ‘the Sharp Shooter’ Sharpless’s town built on top of a former Housing Commission swamp in Springfield, then it’s going to be a case of hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s on the Ipswich Motorway we go.

And if you don’t like it, well f*ck you Jim or Brent or Mark or Marg or whatever other stooge Grace and her mates put up to cloud the true picture by crying out ‘poor puppy!’, for the laws the goddamn law, and if this law is passed then the Government and their mates can do any bloody thing that they like and you whingeing bast*rds from the racing industry can go and root your riding boot, stick a sulky in your sphincter, muzzle your mouths and whack a whip up your Walker’s pass, because you ain’t got a hoof or a paw to stand on no matter how loud you bark, neigh or bray.

It’s all about looking after the animals Sportsfans.

It’s just that some animals are more equal than others.