Gee it’s warm up here at Smiles Stadium.

I hope the bead twirler’s not reading, and hasn’t looked online at the bank account. Little chance of that, she’s on a date with Gorgeous George. Thankfully Grandpa’s riding shotgun, so that bloody Paul Gallen-loving Sharks supporter won’t be game to do anything other than keep his hands to himself.

Kyle Feldt has just torched his State of Origin jersey. He was a must-have in my book, despite the boost for Corey Oates booming out of Brisvegas, but he has just dropped his third ball in 25 minutes – two kicks a carry – and it’s all over.

Feldt’s choked the poor bastard, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Paul Green hooks him at half-time, feigning an injury, because at this exact moment he is Greg Norman at the 1996 Masters or, for the younger folk, Quade Cooper at the 2011 World Cup. His head’s f*cked, and nothing good can possibly come from the next 50 minutes.

Darius Boyd is back, and absolutely flying. It’s taken a number of rounds for him to hit his straps, but over the past few weeks he’s been showing one and all why he owns Australian and Queensland jerseys by the bucket load.  Bennett’s a genius, because when Darius is on song at the back it lifts the entire team by at least a few lengths. Boyd is the best fullback in the game right now, bar none.

Who ever would have thought he could climb the mountain again, and so magnificently? Wayne Bennett, that’s who. All hail the Einstein of Rugby League!

Ben Hunt on the other hand is a liability. His head’s f*cked too, and has been since last year’s grand final when he dropped the ball and handed the Cowboys the blue pennant. His kicking game is simply atrocious, he loose carries and drops balls that a kid should be holding, and his appalling defensive read that gifted Jason Taumololo the first try for the Cowboys was simply disgraceful for a player of his alleged caliber.

If Cooper Cronk gets injured and this bloke is our Maroons half-back we are absolutely and utterly f*cked, and unless you were a raving moron or a one-eyed biscuit maker you’d sell your house and plonk the lot on the Cockroaches, and if you were the biscuit maker you’d be on the dog and bone trying to find a commission agent to do it for you so you could tell the grandkids that you had never, ever backed the Blues in your whole bloody life.

Matt Gillett is an absolute freak. How can a bloke be this good and get as little press as Gillett does? He’s an automatic selection for every representative team going, and rightly so, but have you ever hear him talk? I can’t remember it.

Kevin Walters is the polar opposite to Gillett, for Cumquat is an imbecile. Anyone proud Queenslander who watches Anthony Milford play and doesn’t ask out loud ‘My God, My God, why have you forsaken us, you f*cking idioy Kev?’ is a f*cking idiot themselves. Banned for a year for having a beer and getting home late. Puh-lease.

Tamou and Matt Scott need to lift their game. They are not giving JT the platform he requires in order to weave his magic, and they need to. The Bronco’s props are massacring them right now, but I would never write off players of the Cowboys bookend’s caliber, so expect fireworks in the second half.

Jake Granville appears to have a touch of the Kyle Feldt’s too. He hasn’t made any disastrous mistakes like his teammate on the wing, but clearly someone’s told him he’ll be the backup hooker, and maybe even a backline bench utility – after all, he used to play fullback for the Norths Devils, and according the baker did it well too – and right now he’s half-choking. I reckon he’ll recover though. Expect a big second half.

Where the hell is Michael Morgan? The Bronco’s have shut him down completely, and his dual markers are doing a brilliant job. If Morgan is going to live up to his potential as a future Queensland 5/8th he needs to find a way through this.

It’s anyone’s game. I’m on the Bronco’s, and with 2 points start I’m feeling OK, but they aren’t as far in front as they should be given their dominance of the first half and Kyle Feldt’s self-destruction, and JT is the best in the business at running down sides, provided that the lead isn’t too huge, and sometimes even then.

Buckle up sportsfans. We have an exciting 40 minutes ahead. And then we get the last quarter of the Swans/Hawthorn game.

How good are Friday nights hey?