I will not now be a candidate for the position of UN secretary general…….

So says Kev the Rat, and so say all of us.

Those of us who respect the outfit and don’t spit the dummy on demand that is. You know, the good burghers of that joint near New Zealand whose name you don’t remember, those plebs who capitalize and hyphenate and call the leader of the world the UN Secretary-General, just like he or she and the rest of the world do.

…… but I offer these reflections to the next SG and to the UN member states … the United Nations is now 70 years old.

Yes it is Kev.

Congratulations son, at last you can finally count the numbers.

But it’s too late maaaate! cos just as Eddie Futch told Smokin’ Joe Frazier at the end of the 14th round in Manila in the Thrilla Kev …

It’s all over. No one will forget what you did here today.

I’m lying of course.

Not about the fact that it’s all over – that’s a given – but that no-one will ever forget, because of course they will, and my old mate Kev let me absolutely and utterly assure you sweetheart that not only is your name Mud, but it’s also Chris Watson comrade.