How dare those goddamned child abuse victims start f*cking screaming about the crimes that were committed against them when they were just wee little tackers.

What are they, soft or something?

Or just plain bloody hysterical?

The poor old public is sick of hearing about vulnerable little kids being force-fed bourbon and barbiturates, bound, bashed, bonked, buggered and just down-right brutally betrayed by adults breaking the bloody law.

It’s boring!


Or so says Craig ‘If He Had One’ Eberhardt (above), big-billing barrister extraordinaire to the pantheon of sex-abusing sicko stars.

Old If He Has One is the doyen of depraved defendants, and a pantheon of pedos, porn peddlers, pervs and protection unit prisoners can be seen daily lining up in an orderly queue so that the King of Civil Liberties trained tyke can vilify their victims and claim that the complainant c*nts are nothing but neo-Nazi propagandists and witch-bitch tied to the stake burning bastards.

How else can you explain the craven clown’s claim that there is an ‘atmosphere of hysteria’ surrounding Child Sexual abuse that has been fanned by punters being ‘bombarded in a daily basis’ with stories of innocence lost, stolen by selfish sex-criminals who care only about their next ejaculation, and not a jot about the long-term impact on of their idle but usually well-planned sick fantasies  on the lives of their victims and their families, past present and future.


Salem my arse If He Had One. If your clients lived in Massechussets in the 17th century we’d burn the pre-pubescent cock craving c*nts at the stake, and we’d hurl you in the f*cking river too son and see if you sunk. It’s be hard not to I guess with the blacksmith’s anvil tied to your ankle.

Guilty! Guilty! Guilty! The Kiddy-Fiddler defender couldn’t duck dive or dog paddle your honor. He’s obviously a goddamn demon. Just like his lascivious little boy-lusting oxygen thieves posing as upright citizen clients.

It’s Nazi Germany alright Mr barrister boy for the underage ‘who cares about consent up your arse schoolboy grin and bear it’ bum-chums who can afford to pay his booked in 6 minute blocks 4 figure an hour legal fees.


But you really should brush up on your Bavarian history bovver boy, because back in the day the lawyers used to stand up to tyranny. And there ain’t no type of tyrant like the tarantula who bites a young boys balls and tickles his tongue with their pint-sized pokers Mr If He Had One.

The strong subjugating the weak and stripping them of their innocence and the future, that’s what fascism is f*ckwit.

Wake up and smell the roses rude boy. One day it could be your kid, and how the hell would you feel about your pottered history of defending Pedos then parent?

Yeah, exactly.

You’d feel just like my Mum and Dad, and the hundreds and thousands of others kids have unbeknownst to them at the time been victims of savage, secreted crimes.

Crackerjack hey Craig?

Give yourself a pat on the back you grandstanding goose. It might just wake you up to the nightmare that your depraved client’s rag-doll sex-toy boy (and girl) victims visit every f*cking night of their lives.