The Australian Surgeon-General has issued an urgent health warning advising of a new virulent strain of virus sweeping through Rupert Murdoch owned newsrooms.
Known by the scientific name Bullsh*tandcockupall, the disease – which attacks the cells in the frontal lobe that regulate honesty – leaves sufferers so disoriented and delusional that those who have contracted the virus are often mistaken for drunks.
At this stage there are two confirmed cases of the disease, both of which have been discovered in the newsrooms of Rampaging Rupert Murdoch’s monopoly media.
Terrific Tommy’s malady was exposed on this site this morning, but now we can reveal exclusively that Doubting’s stablemate ‘Spewin’ Ewin Hannan has also contracted Bullsh*tandcockupall, and is being kept in isolation under the sub-editor’s desk in the basement of The Australian’s Melbourne headquarters.
Spewin’s disease was immediately diagnosed by leading B*ullshitandcockupall specialist Dr Butterfly this morning after the hack described rogue CFMEU Organiser Luke Collier as a the CFMEU Chief, which I am sure came as unwelcome news to both the State and Federal elected leadership of the union, who for years had been imagining that Collier was one of their staff, and had been paying him accordingly.
Never fear though fellas, the Doctor’s been on the dog and bone to Rampaging Rupert and tipped him to Spewin’s condition, and thanks to the miracles of online revisionism Jerry Hall’s hubby has quickly sorted things out.
Rampaging advises the sports desk editor at itsnotnormalisit.com that poor old Spewin will be confined to light duties until he recovers. The old fella reckons that he’ll make a great obituaries reporter, given that he almost wrote his own this morning.