Don’t Jump Curtis! Don’t Jump!

Well your humble correspondent may be in Auckland smoking a cheroot on the balcony and staring up at the Sky City Tower as we contemplate what to say in our eulogy to a dear friend dead too young, but old Archie has eyes and spies everywhere and so we can tell you exclusively from a couple of thousand miles away that while the eyes of the Pineapple State are fixed firmly on the Broncos final game of the ordinary season against the Chooks, there’s a different game going on tonight in the smokey back room of the House of Broken Dreams, and no it’s not the oxymoronic Families Minister and and her married new flame doing the hula again on the Ministerial desk in the annexe..

Oh no my friends, it’s nowherere near as much fun as a Logan Bogan shagging duet. This particular game’s a bloodsport, and there’s a man tonight who’s gunna die. Well a boy really, and his death is merely metaphorical, but Queensland’s hapless and hopeless Treasurer Curtis ‘Lick’ Spit is going down Bobby Brown, and don’t forget that old Archie told you first all the way from Auckland.

The jungle drum beat drifting across the ditch tells us that the chief spear-chucker of the Left, Deputy Premier Jackie, and her strange bedfellow from the far-right (although not as strange as the coupling of Del and the new bloke who’s not Dave), the previously out of favour Cameron ‘Slick’ Dick have teamed up, paid a visit to the Army Surplus store opposite City Hall in Adelaide Street, and any minute now are set to launch a Jihad against the unwitting and totally witless Treasurer, whoo as usual doesn’t have a clue about what’s going on and is about to have his moleskin dacks pulled right down.

Yes sportsfans, you heard it here first. Pitt is cactus, and Slick’s a prick, and Jackie’s empire all of a sudden gets stronger because Slick hasn’t forgotten that Pannacotta Palaczszuk dudded him on the Treasurer’s job the first time around, and this bad boy knows that revenge is sweet, and his new best-pal Trad wants to be Premier real bad, so if you know anything about politics then you know what’s gunna come next.

That’s down the track though.

The news tonight is that Curtis Pitt is about to get stabbed, stuck, f*cked and sacked.

And not before time in our humble opinion, though we have to say we’re no fan of the gutless Night of the Long Knives tactic. But then again we’re no fan of either of the ambition-obsessed odd couple of Jihad Jackie and Slick Dick either.

The Beefcake for Premier we say!  And Del as his deputy, just for a bit of gender balance and to give her something to during her lonely single nights.

You’re terrible Muriel.

And Curtis Pitt’s soon to become a backbencher.

Kia Ora bro! Bye!