Hi Brendan,

I’m Julian Morgans, an editor with Vice Magazine.

I found your email address on your site. While I completely back your cause, I’m getting in touch over another villain. That is Immigration Minister Peter Dutton, who I believe you probably went to school with at St Paul’s.

Basically I’m trying to dig up some dirt on the guy. I completely understand if this isn’t your thing, but I thought I’d ask if you remember him at all. I think he would have finished around 1988/1987.



Hi Julian

You’ve got me totally wrong. Don’t beat yourself up though, for most people do.

I don’t have a cause. I’m simply a freelancer just like you, seeking to promote my work and my skills as an investigative journalist. The difference is though that my vehicle is self-driven, whereas you drive others cars. We all have vices I guess, and just hope not to catch our heads in them. It wouldn’t be normal to have a squashed melon after all, would it?

My name ain’t Brendan. Never believe all that you read. It used to be Brenden – with an E – but hasn’t been for some time. I’m simply Archie – a good IJ would have established that before they gave a chap a backhand slap thinking that because he was an idiot it didn’t matter. They would also do some basic fact checking and quickly work out that given the disparity in our ages I could not possibly have gone to school with Peter Dutton, notwithstanding the fact that we attended the same institution, much the same as Chris De Burgh and Oscar Wilde did, albeit 2 centuries apart.

Do you reckon they were mates?

Want dirt sunshine?

Buy a shovel.

Edit my arse Vice-man. I’ve never liked deputies. Or metrosexuals.

See you in the dole queue I guess. Unless Peter Dutton from Pine Rivers sees you first. These old school ties strangle tight, as I’m sure you understand, and auto-erotic asphyxiation is just so much fun.

Peace, love and grow a brain.

Archie xxxxx


Hi Archie! Am I a barely functioning idiot? Or simply a disrespectful fool who should be named Piers?