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The Australian newspaper, our only national tabloid hidden inside a broadsheet, has today taken the somewhat extraordinary step of publishing the response of its parent company Nationwide News Pty Ltd (it used to be News Ltd not that long ago, but after Rupert’s crew got caught breaking the law by hacking into dead peoples phones Jerry Hall’s hubby quickly phoenixed the old company to avoid the million dollar penalties) to the complaint an aggrieved Australian woman has made to the Human Rights Commission about the publication of a highly offensive cartoon penned by the fish and chips wrappers resident redneck doodler Bill Leak.

Of course it goes without saying that the newpaper’s newfound willingness to publish legal documents prior to their consideration by the recipient party has been inspired by this website’s cutting-edge practice of fighting fire with fire and promoting free speech in the face of firestorms launched by long-lunching lawyers. We’ve been doing it for donkey’s years, and it’s no coincidence or accident of fate that we did it to the author of Rupert’s right-wing rag’s response to the Human Rights Commission himself, a most aptly named chap called Quill.

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I suppose we should be flattered – after all imitation is the most sincere form of it – but thanks to bloody Doubting Thomas’s dud tips we did out arse on the punt at the Valley last night and are desperate to build a quick bank to chuck on Winx in the Cox Plate, so we’ve called in the copyright lawyers to explore whether we can squeeze another five figure cash sum out of the old lecher (Rupert not Quill) prior to the ninth race this afternoon.

Speaking of race, you’ve just gotta take a Captain Cook at the totally gratuitous and irrelevant sledge Murdoch’s bovver boys have thrown at the Federal Race Discrimination Commissioner Tim Soutphommasane, a French-born and south-west Sydney raised lad who has turned out to be a hell of a fine Australian despite having once spent more time than any human should – the upper limit being 5 seconds – with everyone’s favourite former Prime Minister Kev the Rat Rudd.

It’s his time working as a research assistant for the Rat, and his period of employment as a speechwriter for the deeply odd – he once read a book about the American Civil War while sitting in the best seats in the house at a footy grand final – and extraordinarily egotistical former elected NSW Premier and factionally appointed Senator Bob ‘grease the donors wheels and kiss Israel’s arse’ Carr.

Now in the deep distant days of my youth – they ended last Sunday when the eldest fruit of the loins told me she was up the duff – I’d had a bit to do with both of these alleged (by themselves) intellectual giants, and let me tell you something for free I wouldn’t pay two cents to spend another second with either.

But what on earth does the fact that Commissioner Soutphommasane once worked for the pair of clowns have to do with the price of eggs when it comes to an individual punter’s complaint about a cartoon?

Bloody nothing, that’s what. It’s just a cheap shot thrown at a bloke while he has his guard down, and if Murdoch’s mashers tried the same tactic in a court of law they would be slapped around the head for contempt, and this type of king-hit, low-blow 1-2 combination does no credit at all to those that delivered it, and I include my failed tipster mate Doubting in that spray.

It’s also bloody moronic, and displays an appalling ingnorance of Australian political history, for the ALP was for almost a century the number one spruiker of the White Australia policy and until Gough stuck his posh snout in the trough and killed off forever the Chifley-esque dreams of the working punter becoming PM the ALP were probably the First Australian’s third worst enemy, a nose and a short head behind the monarchy and the squatter with a shotgun, 100 rounds of ammunition, police and judicial protection, a hard on, and a belly full of grog.

Let’s however descend down the rabbit hole with Rupert and Doubting, and follow the inference laid out by their yuppie lawyer boy Quill the Dill (QTD)- he won’t mind me calling him that I’m sure, what with being a passionate advocate of free speech and all why the hell would he? – for the whole world to see over their cereal this morning and assume that his read between the lines reckoning about imaginary conflicts of interest held by one-time employees of a Labor Party elected official on human rights complaints  is correct.

I admit that it’s a bit of a stretch of reason given that the current PM Magnificent Mal, who’s a supporter of the present anti-race hate legislation, is actually a Liberal just in case Rupert’s rude boys had forgotten, but you only need to cast your mind back to the Malaysian Solution and the leap of imagination becomes easy.

Doubting himself is the first pin to fall. Whatever millions he didn’t inherit or marry into were made pumping out positive spin for the fracking earthquake-inducing Coal Seam Gas industry, so under the QTD rules he’s barred forever from reporting on all things mining. Sh*t, the poor bugger won’t be able to sit by the pool and take pot-shots at Clive Palmer anymore, so what the hell is the man supposed to do? Throw himself into a bit of investigative journalism or something? It’s a bloody cruel world isn’t it?

Turgid and twisted opinion piece spinner Grace Collier is out of industrial relations – she once worked for a union.

Richo’s gone as well: there’s no more political commentary for the former Offset Alpine shareholder, and I guess given what we know, what we don’t, and what Richo won’t tell us he better be banned from writing about arson, insider trading and fires too.

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Doubting’s bosom buddy Andrew Bolt’s cactus. Believe it or not he worked on two election campaigns for Hawkey, which says more about Hawke’s politics than it does Bolt’s, but is a disqualifying offence nevertheless.

Gerard Henderson’s gonzo. He has been closely tied to the Liberal Party for years, and given the chains that bind him to the Vatican he’s banned from writing about moral and religious issues too. So’s Miranda Devine, a papal devotee and former board member of the Opus Dei nursery named Campion College, and Tess Livingstone cops a life ban for writing kiddy-fiddler cover-up king George Pell’s biography.

Judith Sloan, Peter Van Onselen and Christian Kerr are out – Liberal Party staffers or board appointments – and Arthur Sinodinis walks the plank with the.

Gary Johns is gone, so are Troy Bramston and John Black – dirty Laborites the trio – and I could go on forever but I think I’ve made my point, and anyway if I don’t pull up straight away sportsfans soon  there will be no journalists or columnists left to steer the ‘independent and impartial’ national News flagship.

I’ve got one more piece of bad news before I go to bed though: Rampaging Rupert’s going to have to hire some new raw legal recruit to re-write his mob’s submission to the HRC, because his present bloke has, according to his own rules, a slight problem.

You see, Justin Quill used to be a lawyer for the Labor Party.

It’s dead set mightier than the sword isn’t it sportsfans?

Happy Saturday, and may the Gods of the punt shine on you always.

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