The 23 pages of submissions by barrister Caroline Kirton (who I wouldn’t pay 2 to do my conveyancing, for fear that she’d f*ck it up) on behalf of the disgraced Peter Hollingworth can be found here if you take a special interest in self-flagellation and blame shifting.

I can save you the trouble though by succinctly summing the suckhole of a sinner’s submission up in a single paragraph:

It wasn’t ME!….. It was HIM! …… and HIM! …..and HIM!…..it was um, um, um….it was the One-Armed Man!