Thirty years ago a judo loving Japanese/Hawaiian property developing slickster named Albert Aoki convinced the Queensland Premier – presumably by handing him a brown paper bag stuffed with used Greenbacks in high denominations – that his mate Albert P. Crick could make it rain by shooting silver salt at clouds from anti-aircraft guns, or alternatively by letting the vibe from magma buried deep beneath the earth’s crust fly the silver salt up to the clouds via secret convection currents that no-one but a mad professor can see, and then only when they have their eyes closed.

The rainmaking – or as it was the imaginary rainmaking – was called cloud seeding, and Aoki convinced/bribed the now well-known crook, but then in some quarters well-respected Joh Bjelke-Petersen to hand over $50k (about half a million in today’s currency) for a ‘trial’ involving 2/3rds of f*ck all,  but that had to be conducted only in the wet season, because the chances of it raining as a result of putting salt on a cloud increased markedly when it was raining already.


Funny that.Go figure.

The President of the Cattleman’s Union (yes union), a schoolboy wicket-keeper from Rocky with no scientific or meteorological qualifications named John Purcell, weighed in on the side of seeding, suggesting that if it rained it might end a drought. This incontrovertible piece of wisdom was all that Joh required – other than the lunch bag full of Greenbacks – to convince him that Thunder Clouds were go, and the cash was handed over to Aoki for use shooting salt into the ether by Crick forthwith.

Neither fella was ever heard of in Queensland again, and the money vanished into a seeded cloud being sucked by a convected current all the way to the Home of the Free* and then onto Bermuda where it was dumped into the Crickster’s offshore personal accounts.

* Does not apply to Queensland’s seeded cloud range

Oh, and it didn’t rain either.

Reckon you are entering the twilight zone? Sh*t, my mates and I grew up in it.

And you wonder why we’re all f*cking half mad, and some of us half as mad again? We never had a chance sportsfans; we were doomed from the start.

If only the bastards had put tomato bloody sauce on the clouds instead of salt it all would have been so different.

Don’t you worry about that.