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I copped a brand new sledge today,  which is a beautiful thing,.for the day that you learn nothing is the day that you have wasted, and at my age there aren’t too many left to waste let me tell you.

‘Go F*ck Your Hat’ is the sledge in question, and if you don’t know what it means then your far from alone; but fear not for Dr Google has the answer to everything, no matter how inane it may be.

This is the something new.

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A bit harsh I hear you say?

Nah, I’m as silly as a hat full of arseholes. Always have been.

That’s the something old.

The sledge itself is one of those idiotic Americanisms that halfwits who can’t speak Australian pick up off Facebook, the online school of all things inane for imbeciles.

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That’s the something borrowed.

And the blue?

Picking a fight with Archie.

It’s a common mistake, but not an easily forgivable one..

Drugs are for losers Sir Slimy Sledge.

And you are without doubt one. Might be time to lay off the illegal stuff, pick yourself up out of the gutter, let your hair down, lighten up and have a bit of goddamn fun Francisco.

You never know, a natural high might just put an unexpected smile on your dial, and make you look a touch less ignorant despite your uneducated but erstwhile abuse. See senor, at the end of the day it doesn’t matter whether you put your right foot or left foot in your mouth and shake it all about, your foot’s still stuck in your gob ain’t it Geronimo, whether you’re flying high as a kite in Geebung or cozying up to a cone on a canal at the Goldy.

And it’s pretty hard to f*ck your hat while you’re standing on one leg.