The absolute political genius of the seat-warming Queensland Government simply never ceases to amaze.

Or never cease to amaze those who don’t know the buggers whose bums warm the padded leather pews in the House of Broken Dreams anyway. I know many of them, and I am far from amazed at the cretin’s seemingly incredible incompetence: in fact I’m not surprised at all.

Put yourselves in the Cabinet member’s shoes for a moment if you will.

You’ve had the extraordinary f*ck up with the opening of the Redcliffe railway line, where through sheer incompetence the relevant Minister(s) – although the Tradinator will never admit it – have failed to check whether the Fat Controllers of locomotive department that falls under the portfolio have employed enough Thomas the Tank Engine drivers to steer the locomotives and their paying passengers into the city of Vegas so that the said punters can get to work.

They haven’t, and the punters don’t get to work – not for days, in some cases weeks – and it takes months for the Minister left holding the can to put up his hand and say ‘Gee, I really stuffed up and probably shouldn’t be in this job, because I can’t do it’. But finally he does, and Pounds Stirling the Property Developer’s best friend exits stage left, fortunately for him in a last ride in a limo rather than a never coming trip on a train.

Despite the fact that trains have been big news for months, and caused the non-corrupt corporation otherwise known as the one seat majority Qld Government all sorts of political pain, the incompetent Minister’s successor – and predecessor, not that she’d ever admit it – the Tradinator fails so utterly to get across her old/new portfolio that she doesn’t even realise that the Fat Controllers who are utterly bereft both of train drivers and common sense are, for reasons unknown both to the Minister and simple logic, sending out auto generated rejection letters to locomotive drivers of umpteen years experience who are offering their services to get Queensland commuters back on track.

Never mind though, the Government has bigger fish to fry, for the Adele loving Sports Minister from Springwood has forgotten that if fifty thousand fans of a torch singer tramp all over the inner of a footy field they are going to f*ck it right up, and thus the women’s sport success story of the decade is scuppered and the unbeaten Brisbane Lion’s women’s team are forced to relocate their first ever grand final to the unfamiliar climes of the Glitter Strip.

Don’t you worry about that either though, because the hapless halfwit’s holding both portfolios get their heads together and dream up a hell of a great plan to save the day, and with half a bit of luck perhaps even save their Ministerial careers too.

The pair of geniuses decide that they are going to soften the sportsfans bitter blow by offering them free public transport all day Saturday all across South-East Queensland. It’s a cracking idea the Beefcake and the Tradinator decide, and they agree to share the spotlight and divide the inevitable kudos down the middle. Of course neither believes the other will keep their word about the split, but each knows the other is the second most ambitious leather seat warmer in the house, so taking one to know one neither holds the inevitability of future duplicity against the other.

Out goes the press release: whoosh!

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How good is this hey? Free travel all day and all night!  What a sensational piece of political pork barreling. What a vote puller. What a work of genius by two geniuses.

It would have been anyway, if the Beefcake and the Tradinator hadn’t forgotten to check one simple but vitally important little detail.

The track closures..

Remember when they built the new Redcliffe line and everyone in the government forgot to check if they had enough drivers to steer the trains?

Well they’ve done it again.

The main rail lines north are all going to closed on Saturday night for scheduled maintenance work. Every line from Roma Street north.

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It’s going to be bedlam. Absolute pandemonium.

The Shorncliffe, Petrie, Doomben, Redcliffe, Nambour, Landsborough, Ferny Grove and Airport lines – every single service from Roma Street to Northgate- will be shut down from from 7.30pm on the busiest Saturday night of the year, when all the services are free, and stay closed until the sun comes up on the Sabbath.

All of the footy games end after 9.00pm, except the women’s.

We’re all rooted. Half of Brisbane’s not going to be able to get home until three in the morning. Trains south will be majorly affected too. There are aren’t enough buses in Australia to carry home the number of passengers who will have arrived at the footy on the train. There are  going to be delays of hours, lots of hours, heaps of them.

The punters are going to go ballistic. There will be riots in the streets.

The idiots from QR didn’t check the footy calendar before scheduling the maintenance.

The imbeciles from the House of Broken Dreams didn’t check the maintenance calendar.

Jacki Trad and Mick De Brenni got lost on Tuesday trying to find QR headquarters, where they were due to give a lecture to senior rail management on strategic planning. After walking around in circles for an hour and a half they gave up, and went down to the waterfront for a bang up feed instead.

After lunch and a few drinks they were going to catch the bus back to the House of Broken Dreams, but neither of them had a Go Card handy – in fact neither of them knew what a Go Card was – and when the driver told them the price for a paper ticket they said in unison ‘Bugger that for a joke! It’s extortion’ and called up the ministerial limo to ferry them back to work because it was too bloody hot to walk, and anyway they’re both too important.

Come one. come all – jump aboard the magical mystery train and take a ride for free!

We’ve been taken for a ride alright sportsfans, don’t you worry about that.

If it wasn’t such rank stupidity , gross incompetence and a wholesale disruption to sports loving Queenslander’s lives it would almost be funny.

Almost.

But it’s not. This is serious Mum.

You f*cking idiots. How could you screw this up so badly?

Wonder what Anna’s excuse is going to be about this one?

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