The excerpts below are taken from a pair of competing statements about what went on in and around the main shopping mall in Toowoomba between 10am and 3pm on the 10th of January 2011, the day that Donna and Jordan Rice drowned.

Funnily enough, even though they say completely different things both statements are signed by the same bloke, a local battler partial to a pipe named Edward Robert William Spark, known to his car thieving mates as Sparky.

The images with the grey across them are from the first statement that Sparky made, before the top brass in the police force realised that it dropped the Assistant Commissioner in the sh*t and, panicked, sent out a rising star copper from Brisbane to jog the meat worker’s memory.

The images without any grey blurring are excerpts from Sparky’s second statement, which wasn’t titled Through the Looking Glass but might as well have been because it’s basically a load of absolute crap.

The text in between is borne of my vivid imagination.

I reckon it’s ninety-nine percent on the money.

You be the judge.



Where did Kit Mason and Helen Wheeler and Joshua Quinn and the three guys with their names blacked out that I walked to town with go?

Not in John Wheeler’s car that’s for sure.

I guess it just shows that they’ve got brains. After all Johnny was red hot and being hunted by the cops, and after his last f*ck up he didn’t have a car or a licence anyway so he couldn’t have given them a lift even if he could have got out of bed after smoking rock all night. Not unless he stole a car anyway.


Isn’t it weird how it took Kit and Helen and Josh and the blacked out guys – sh*t I wonder if they might be the aboriginal kids who threatened the copper with the garden stake? – and me but not Johnny (because he was too stoned and lazy) an hour and a half to walk to Maccas the first time, but then after we’d time traveled back and started again me and Johnny had only taken a half hour to drive there?

We lost half an hour in the Tardis and left the driveway at 10.00 the second time instead of 10.00 but you’d expect that. After all, time waits for no man even if he is a cop writing out my statement for me.

Bloody hell though, I wonder why it took us half an hour to drive the second time when it only took us an hour to an hour and a half to walk the first time around?  I guess Johnny must have been driving slow. Probably at about 10km an hour.

Johnny’s a cautious driver you know.


Yeah I recall we had a heap of rain on the range the couple of days before.

Well sort of.


Nah, not at all.

I don’t even live in Toowoomba, I live in Crow’s Nest which is about 50k’s away.


So how the f*ck would I know what the weather on the Range was like over the weekend?

I didn’t even get there until Sunday night.


What’s that?

You reckon I swore and signed a statement saying I’d been living in Toowoomba for four years?


Bullsh*t mate.

I’ve never lived in bloody Toowoomba.


And anyway, I told that Asian sheila copper that I didn’t know anything about rain or floods or anything else.

Yeah I did! Look – it’s in my statement!


Which statement?

I don’t bloody know.

The one I wrote, not the one that the copper did..


Yeah that’s what we did.

None of us had any dough to buy food – use your brain deadsh*t, if we did we wouldn’t have walked would we? We would have caught a bus or a cab – so we just hung out and hoped some straighty one eighties would come along that we could hassle for coin.

Some wanker reckons John and me went into the food court and sat down for half an hour and had lunch?


That’s crap.

John wasn’t even there.

Check the CCTV at the shopping center if you don’t believe me.


No I can’t prove that John wasn’t there by showing you my iPhone.

Number one I didn’t bloody have one.

I was only working part-time. Do you really reckon I could afford to pay 800 bucks for a flash as phone? Get real.

And number two you imbecile, I was up to my bloody neck in water and hanging on like grim death to a goddamn tree.

I almost f*cking  drowned!

How do you imagine I could have kept an iPhone dry idiot?