Hey look!

That bloke with the Supreme Court suppression order in his hand – you know, the one that was issued by the Vanilla Fudge before the fella even had a chance to even read it, let alone work out a reply – who the hell is he?

That fool?

Why, his name is Nostradamus Pineappleuphagus, and he’s a reader of history whom God has given the gift of prophecy, and he can see into the future.

That Big Pineapple around Nostra Uphagus’s neck is his family crest, and when you spot him wearing the yellow monster it’s London to a brick that  he’s off to visit Old Liberty, the horse-hair wearing state school boy cum Labor Lawyer named after a fruit who by force of inner-insecurity driven will has, like magic, turned himself into a toff.

Its a symbol of liberty that crest that Pineappleuphagus sports, a reminder that on the Macadamia Nut Train all blokes and sheilas plant their arse at the same degree of the horizontal, and that despite what Orwell says and some social climbers spruik, the fact is that the banana splits in half under the Queensland sun and all animals are equal whether they have two leg or four or even bloody three.

So the next time you feel the wrong end of the pineapple coming on and want to tell a Supreme Court spike-chucker to go and suck a lemon, or feel like the telling the world that she’ll be apples, or even if you want to watermelon it up to show your strawberry sweetheart how juicy you really are, all you have to do is pop into Pluckdamus Designs and shell out a few spondoolies and you can be as cool as Mr N. Pineappleuphagus too!

With these hand-made in Geebung by a mad Irish bird accessories on board you’ll be Koolest Fruit kid on the Supreme Court block every day of the week.

All you gotta do is Pluckdamus comrade.

Don’t you worry about that.

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Editors Note: This article is not cash for comment. It is simply a desperate spruik for sex.