A week ago I gave the Queensland State of Origin team bosses the tip about how to save the series after their disastrous selection f*ck up in Game One blew up in their faces and delivered us the exact result and smart punter could see we’d get with the half-baked team of old hacks and unready youngsters picked to parade their fading and slowly developing skills on the Lang Park turf.
I was highly critical of Cumquat Walters at the time, and rightly so, but he’s redeemed himself and proven that he’s prepared to listen to wise counsel and learn the lessons of history because Archie’s saved the State of Origin series twice before – in 2013 and 2015 – and although my selection advice is undoubtedly worth a million dollars Maroon runs thick through my veins, and so for the third year in the past five I picked up the phone and had a word in the Queensland coach’s ear, and young Kevin’s followed my step by step advice to the letter.
Here’s what I told the young fella from Ipswich the day after the first game loss, and for the record – and to forestall that cockroach critic Geoffrey Luck’s inevitable bullsh*t allegation that I made it up – I published it on this very website the minute I’d said hooroo to Cumquat and hung up the phone.
Read it and weep NSW, for this is the team for Game 2 that young Kevin will be announcing in just a few hours, and player for player it’s one and the same as the blueprint that I laid out for him.
Not wanting to spoil the little tacker’s thunder I’ve insisted that he take all the kudos and not mention my name during the announcement. Kevin didn’t like it, and argued black and blue that giving me due credit was the correct thing to do, but I shut him up by telling him that if he breathed a word about the Butterfly Effect on the team selection the Blues honcho’s would be knocking on my door brandishing a 3 million dollar cheque to persuade me to jumps ship and that I just might be tempted to take it.
I wouldn’t of course – I’d rather cut off my left ball – but what Cumquat doesn’t know isn’t going to hurt him is it sportsfans?
Of course we wouldn’t be in this one game down in the series mess if young Mr Walters had taken my advice in the first place, because a couple of weeks prior to the Lang Park lashing I laid out the team for the little fella, but due to the folly of youth and some dud advice from clowns who reckoned they knew better than Queensland’s pre-eminent armchair expert – Moi – Kevin picked the wrong team.
If he’d followed my advice Game 1 would have been well and truly won and Sam Thaiday would still be a State of Origin player, but due to the silly selections of Nate Myles and Jacob Lillyman the Broncos back rower had to wear too many hats attempting to cover for the pair’s age-related loss of ability and in the process of carrying the old blokes ended up having a shocker himself.
Apart from his form-demanded dropping though the team for game 2 is identical to that I selected before the start of the series, and proves the old adage propounded by the wise men of the Pineapple State rugby league fraternity – never argue with a professor of footy and always follow Archie’s advice.
It’s sage wisdom sportsfans.
Now hurry up and get yourself down to see the bank manager to mortgage the house, then scurry over to the TAB and whack the lot on the Maroons to bring home the shiny shield, for thanks to Archie our bacon’s saved, and all the one – nil deficit means is that you’re just going to get juicier odds.
The State of Origin series is all our punters.
Don’t you worry about that.