Thinking of a master plan
‘Cause ain’t nothing but sweat inside my hand
So I dig into my pocket, all my money is spent
So I dig deeper, but still coming up with lint
So I…start my mission, leave my residence
Thinking, “How could I get some dead presidents?”
I need money; I used to be a stick-up kid
So I think of all the devious things I did

This is a journey into a new dimension, a place where all things real are unreal. Truth flows all around you like molten lava and sears your brain. Numbers swirl like vortexes surrounding your cortexes and overtake your mind. You disconnect and become dizzy, so dizzy, the world spins like a thousand records and the DJ scratches, scratches, scratches , until the only thing you know is chaos and cacophony and all you see is color and the only thing you hear is sound.

This is a journey.

This is journey.

Into sound.

Welcome to Wonderland.

Madness abounds ………

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PWC Baseline Report – Figure 1: Model population with class utilisation (June 2015)

Well sportsfans here I am and there you and welcome to the wacky new world of welfare reform in the Wide Brown Land, a world in which everything our elected Government plans, plots, schemes, says and does is predicated on the findings of a report written by a bunch of tripped out wild-eyed weirdo’s whacked out on acid or junked up on juice that makes them fly so high that only a shot of Mr Brown might ever bring them down.

The report’s authors are the the Stock Aitken Waterman of the uber-inflated and incredibly over-inflated finance world, Price Waterhouse Coopers, the upright and honest laundry firm so lily white and gleaming that they are the obvious and only choice of  to advise our government  about all things financial.

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The report in question is called the Baseline Valuation Report and it’s dated 30 June 2015, which is totally apt for a con job that’s more huge than the Sydney Harbor, because it wasn’t actually commissioned until 4 months later on 14 September and didn’t kick off for another 6 weeks on the 23rd of November.

Capiche? The whole thing was simply a scam from the start.

If only we’d heeded the warnings from the Department of Human Services for whom the report was written maybe we could have cut it off at the pass.

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We didn’t though, and nether did the Australian Government or the  Department of Social Services  under its control and in its thrall, so now we find ourselves stuck in this strange nether world where every decision that the jesters in charge of our nation’s circus make is based on the scientific mathematical actuarial modelling of the Baseline Valuation Report.

Which is somewhat of a problem, because the report’s findings are wrong.

No, that’s not right – the findings are not just wrong – they’re absolutely wildly misleading, and knowingly, willfully and deliberately so.

And Australia’s entire welfare policy debate is being predicated upon them.

Something’s very, very rotten in the land of golden soil sportsfans.

How doth our Government deceive thee punters? Let me count the ways

Start at the beginning.

The first and most fundamental element of the scam is the baseline count, because if it’s wrong then so is every number that follows.

Let me give you a simple and easy to understand example.

You send your kid out to the shop with instructions to buy a carton of milk, a loaf of bread, a box of cornflakes and a jar of jam, and you hand them a hundred dollar note and tell them to make sure they bring back the change.

The milk costs $3 and so does the bread and the jam, and the cereal costs $4, so all up the kid should be spending 3 + 3 + 3 + 4 = $13, and therefore our of a $100 you should get $87 change from the nipper when they get back home with the goods, and you’ll be going absolutely ballistic if they hand you anything less.

So if they return with only $37 and when questioned start carrying on like pork chops protesting their innocence and swearing that they didn’t spend a cent of lollies or slip any of the change into their pocket you’ll disregard their pleas as outright lies, and apply the most heavy-handed form of discipline in your moral arsenal to them won’t you?

But what if you’d only actually given them 50 bucks, and knew it, and were simply putting the blame on your kid to hide the fact that you’d dropped $50 on the pokies that afternoon from your better half, and were pushing the blame onto the powerless little punk who was now grounded and bawling her eyes out in her room?

You’d be an absolute piece of sh*t wouldn’t you? No parent would do that. It would be like a government lying to it’s people. It just couldn’t happen.

Wrong.

 

The PWC report is based on that $100 note.

Every single number, every single calculation, every single conclusion in the Baseline Valuation Report has been worked out on the basis that every single Australian is receiving some form of welfare.

All 23.9 million of us.

It’s a lie.

We’re not.

Less than half of the good citizens of the wide brown land do not, have not, and never will receive a cent in hand outs from the Government, and the authors of the PWC report know it.

For the love of pizza they even admit it!

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But despite their admissions, the report’s authors don’t correct their dodgy initial assumptions, and the Government stays tight lipped with its arms folded across its chest too, and the numbers start off crook and poison flows through every single thing that follows and the a fraud is perpetrated on every single man and woman who stands up at and sings Advance Australia Fair whenever and wherever its sung.

Don’t despair about the fact that you’re Government’s lied through its teeth to you though sportsfans, because there’s some bloody good news too.

We’re all going to live until we’re 110!

Life – be in it today!

 

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Yes that’s right Australia, Price Waterhouse Cooper and the Turnbull Government have just passed laws that will ensure that you, the missus, the kids and your mates will live until you’ve smashed a century and live for a decade more.

You bloody beauty!

There’s one problem though punters. Our sudden legislatively prescribed 25% in life expectancy is going to result in a huge blow out to the nation’s welfare bill, but never fear for our intrepid Social Services Minister and his bean-counting novelist mates at PWC saw it coming, and have already put preventative measures in place.

They’re going to drug test dole bludgers and cut them off benefits if the child-abuse victim bastards can’t bloody straighten themselves out and join the drug free world like normal people and a get themselves a goddamn job.

What’s that? There aren’t any jobs?

Bullsh*t.

There’s always work for those who want it.

The pharmaceutical industry is always looking for people to flog their magnificent products to Doctors on commission. And Price Waterhouse Cooper are always seeking entrepreneurial types who can turn a 4 thousand dollar ounce of cheaply manufactured flu medicine into 2800 packets of point one of a gram of crystals sold at $50 bucks a pop and turn a 350% profit.

These are the type of business orientated, right thinking people this country needs. Men and women who can turn rancid bull dust into gold. Good folk who can inflate things by a factor of five without even blinking their eye.

Hard working, right-minded Australians who can help us reduce our projected welfare bill of $160 billion down to $4.8 trillion.

What’s that? A hundred and sixty billion is actually less than just under five trillion?

Get off the grass.

See I told you all these lazy dole bludgers were on it.

But we’ll sort them out.

Don’t you worry about that.

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