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Dear Mr Whimpey Dave

I hereby and forthwith put you on notice that I intend to vigorously defend any application that the BRC or any person associated with the company may make to any authority, anywhere – including the Supreme Court of Queensland – for the seizure (however described) of my computer, tablet, phone, fun  box, form guide, or any other item or good that is in my residence or in the residence or possession of any other family member, lawyer in Paris whose client liked my article about his ex-missus Melissa George, mate who’s an MP in pommy land, other mate who’s a judge in New Zealand, former boss in Kiwi Labour boss who’s now a big shot in the UN, either of the Veronica’s, any alleged southern gangland figure or boss, my Auntie Gail whose hubby built the Coke sign at the Cross and is filthy f*cking rich, the dog, cat, chickens, guinea pigs, magpies. bush turkeys and whatever other creatures of God’s creation that the missus has in her menagerie in the back yard, a couple of QC mates here and interstate, Australia’s most handsome bookmaker who’s daughter’s almost as hot as my wife, Kevvie behind the bar at the Geebung RSL, any bloke banged up at HM’s pleasure, a former Prime Minister, a couple of current Ministers, an Archbishop (not that f*cking Aspinall), a priest or two and an Iman, my mates Spot, Fat Pav, The Emu, The Eagle, Prostate Pete, Forby Car Club, Yeah Good,Nina the Ballerina, the Married Poofs, the Unmarried lookalike Poofs who want to – and should be – bloody married (Vote Yes!), Gorgeous George, The Goddess, the Wide Bay Weavers, the Mayor of Aspley, F2 in O Bay, the butcher, the baker, the candle-stick maker, and the good sort Crystal who runs the outstanding Zillmere TAB, or anyone else in the world.

Should the BRC or any person associated with the company cause, be a party to, or make any such application for seizure (however described) I put you on notice that I require notification of the making of the application, copies of the application and all related or attached documents, and notice to the court that I intend to defend the application, have a bloody good defence too, and wish to appear and be heard prior to the court ruling on the application.

Because I know you are an idiot I will reduce this to very simple terms.

IF YOU ARE THAT STUPID THAT YOU THINK THAT I HAVE HACKED YOUR COMPUTERS OR SERVERS OR ANYONE ELSE’S, OR THAT I HAVE IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM OBTAINED ANY INFORMATION FROM OR ABOUT THE BRC UNLAWFULLY, AND YOU INTEND TO MAKE A SNEAKY LITTLE ‘WITHOUT NOTICE TO THE OTHER PARTY’ APPLICATION TO THE SUPREME COURT THEN I DEMAND THAT YOU TELL THE COURT THAT I RECKON I’M A BIRD TO BEAT IT AND INSIST THAT I AM GIVEN THE RIGHT TO APPEAR SO I CAN DEFEND THE APPLICATION.

Got it Homeboy?

Costs order against you if you haven’t.

Just in case you try to pull a swify I’m copying this email to the Supreme Court Registry, the court media liaison officer, your boss, the Racing Minister, Robbie Waterhouse, and Ross and the boys from the ORIC.

Hasta la vista women objectificator

Archibald J. Butterfly

Feminist, Rooter, Punter, Same Sex Marriage Advocate, Hater of Corruption, Son, Husband, Father, Grandfather, Debtor, Nicotine Addict, Sufferer of Disability, Holder of 170 IQ (one day people will look back at what I have achieved single-handedly from a small cramped room in Geebung and say ‘sh*t that guy was smart’), Lover of his missus, Sports Fan, League lover, Poet, Mad C*nt, D*ckhead and Loyal Friend.

A: C/- Geebung RSL

T: Triple O in an emergency

E: Yes please, but not if they cost more than thirty bucks each