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What you are reading above is an extract from the summary of the Racing Queensland Infrastructure Plan released today.

This particular section of the infrastructure plan outlines Racing Queensland’s plans for a new metropolitan class home for harness racing should the proposed sale of the Albion Park Raceway proceed.

Now I want you to take particular notice that in the plan Racing Queensland talk about building a ‘start of the art harness racing facility that will serve as the code’s peak metropolitan venue’, wax lyrical about providing an “exciting customer experience both on and off the track” and promise that “patron facilities will offer quality contemporary dining and bar facilities with unencumbered track views and closer integration with the racing and horse experience”.

Don’t bother blowing up about the wanky neo-d*ckhead speak language of ‘customer’ and ‘integration’ and ‘horse experience’, even if it does sound a bit pervy and beyond the pale because it doesn’t matter, it’s all just bullsh*t anyway.

This whole thing is a total con job.

An absolute and utter crock of crap.

Clip Clop Kev’s development application and approval for the harness racing facility gives the whole game away.

There won’t be any quality contemporary dining and bar facilities, because the club will only operate two days a week – on Thursdays and Fridays – between the hours of 12.30pm and 5.30pm, so it will be too late for lunch and too early for dinner.

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There won’t be any patrons anyway, because Clip Clop Kev has emphatically stated that there will be a maximum of 50 ‘customers’ attending the meetings.

Fifty bloody patrons.

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Clip Clop  would have to be f*cking kidding wouldn’t he?

No he’s not.

This below is the proposed grandstand.

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The ‘exciting customer experience’ is bringing your own water bottle and making sure that you do number two’s before you go to the track if you are one of the lucky 50 allowed through the gates, because there is no town water or sewerage on the site and Clip Clop doesn’t plan to put any in.  It’s just septic tanks and rainwater all round.

Now that’s bloody modern isn’t it?

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As you can see above there will be a ‘closer integration with the horse experience’ as well, because Clip Clob’s mob are going to shovel the horse dung into wheelie bins and if you really want to get close to the action you can dive in and swim in the crap.

There will also be unencumbered track views, because the course will be located in a sugar cane paddock in the middle of nowhere and they are going to cut the trees down so you can see the races.

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F*ck only knows where the stewards are going to be, because there are no proposed race day office, stewards room, video bunker or control towers in the plan.

I guess the the officials will just have to bring a step-ladder and a tent, and make sure they wear a hat and slip slop and slap on plenty of sunscreen.

Just while I think of it, there are actually no bars or restaurants in the proposed design plan that I can see, and I can’t spot any dunnies either.

Bring your sandwiches in a brown paper bag and carry a couple of pegs or a bucket seems to the be the only logical answer.

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State of the art this joint is, don’t you worry about that suckers.

Racing Queensland say it is, so it must be.

All we need now if Bet Fairy as the betting operator, Slippery Sam as the chairman of the the club board, and Whimpey Dave to run the whole show and then we’ll be in business.

They don’t call it the red hots for nothing punters.

Giddy up!

PS – Don’t forget to bring your gumboots!

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