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Well punters David Whimpey may not be able to spell, and he may often have trouble lying straight in bed because there are too many rorts and conflicts of interest taking up all the room under the sheets, but there is one thing he is telling the truth about at least.

The Brisbane Racing Club’s Strategic Plan released late yesterday arvo  is a smokescreen. A ruse, and a camouflage,  and a cover and a charade too, and a whole lot more again.

The Strategic Plan is nothing more than a cynical spin job designed to pull the wool over BRC member’s eyes and fool them into voting to retain the tossers on the board who are treating Brisbane racing like its their own little kingdom and lining their pockets with the profits from the castle.

They’ll do just about anything to hold onto the reins of power these Handbrake Harry’s, and I guess if you’re the kind of crooked c*nts who are buying cheap Ascot Green apartments off the plan, and copping $150 000 slings for your company, and pulling UBET affiliate scams, and dishing out contracts to your mates, and a whole lot more then I guess would do whatever it takes to keep your claws on the cash making keys to the castle wouldn’t you?

It’s just not cricket punters, even if it appears clear from the strategic plan than the BRC would like racing to be. Directors have fiduciary duties to their shareholders and members not to mislead them, or try to deceive them with dodgy figures, or tell a dug up sandy track full of lies.

That’s exactly what the dodgers have done in their pre-hastily convened re-election Strategic Plan soap job spruik though sportsfans, and once again with the mainstream media boys missing in action its left to me to show you how.

First up, the attendance numbers.

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Does anyone truly believe that the club has been averaging over 3500 punters through the turnstile each and every Saturday race day at Doomben and on the odd occasion Eagle Farm over the past 12 months? Do you believe in fairies? Or that Sam Adams and Dave Whimpey and Little Dickie Morrison haven’t been pulling rorts?

Puh-lease.

Outside of the winter carnival meetings, Melbourne Cup Day and the popular meet/meat markets for the younger generation held on Ekka Show holiday and Tattersalls Club race days – both of which have a long tradition that has absolutely nothing to with anything that the present club board of management have done: I was going to them back in the 80’s, when I still had looks and could pull a bird – the attendances on the average Saturday would be flat out reaching 1000 on a fine sunny day.

Cup Day and the Ekka are midweek meetings in any event. If you are being told the truth – bookies are betting 33/1 – these two popular meetings aren’t included in any event, because Whimpey and the boys are claiming the figures are Saturday attendances only.

They’re hooking the numbers of course. Look at the attendance stats for 2016 above and below.

The top figures are reprinted from the most recent annual report, the bottom ones are those contained in the revised Strategic Plan that Whimpey Dave put out yesterday in a blatant and patently obvious attempt to get his friendly board members back in, probably because he knows any newly elected guard would hurl him head first out the door and into the gutter of Racecourse Road where the pie van once used to be.

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Whimpey tells us this week that during the year 2016 on average 2500 punters came to the track every Saturday race day afternoon.

But running a simple calculator over the the annual report we learn that the average race day attendance including mid-week meetings was over 3000.

Are they seriously expecting us to believe that thousands of people are attending mid-week meetings and bumping the averages up by 500 patrons a day over the course of the year? Have you been to a Wednesday meeting at Doomben in the last couple of years? It’s a ghost town.

Oh ‘but what about Cup Day and ‘Mekka’ Wednesday Archie?’ I can hear you thinking. Right, let’s have a look at those couple of days and bring their numbers into play, and then we’ll adjust the averages back to get some fair dinkum numbers.

Whimpey Dave publicly boasts that the club pulls about 16 000 to the annual piss up and pick up on the Ekka show day, and due to the widely reported debacle with the power (or more correctly, no power) last Cup Day we know there were 14 000 at the track on the first Tuesday in November when the lights went out.

So that’s 30 000 in two days.

What do imagine the attendances were for the other 13 mid-week race days in 2016? Let’s be kind and give the BRC 500 a day, even though its almost certainly overs. That’s another 6500 through the gates, giving us a pretty fair estimate that 36 500 punters came to the races in the middle of the week over the course of the 2016 year.

Next let’s knock that off the total attendance numbers, and then we should have a Saturday only figure for punter numbers coming through the gates.

164 225 – 36 500 = 127 835.

There were 39 Saturday meetings in 2016, so to get an average gate figure all we have to do now is divide one by the other, and then we’re in business.

127 835 divided by 39 equals ……… 3278!

Hey?

Hang on Whimpey Dave!

You just told us yesterday that the average attendances were 2500! Then you boasted that you and the team had bumped ’em up by 1000 in just 12 months. WTF is going really going on here buddy?

WTF indeed.  This current management team tell so many lies that they can’t even remember the ones they have told five minutes before. Or maybe dishonesty is so deeply ingrained that it’s just second nature and Dave Whimpey and his crew simply can’t help themselves.

A lot of them do come from the poker machine industry after all.

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Whimpey’s hooking the sponsorship figures too.

Look at the sponsorship figures that they’ve just released in the updated strategic report. The bar graph above shows sponsorship revenue was about $2.3 million in 2014/15 and increased to just a tick over $2.5 million in 2015/16.

But last year’s audited annual report stated that the sponsorship figures were actuallu $2.65 and $2.74 million respectively.

These are two sets of different numbers about exactly the same thing.

They can’t both be right can they?

So which one is?

Who’d know?

Probably neither.

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Third leg of the treble: the membership numbers are made of rubber too.

You’re not really surprised any more are you? It’s like Stockholm Syndrome, if you get used enough to being lied to you miss it when someone starts telling you the truth.

The base number for 2016 appears right in accordance with the stats published in the annual report, but there’s a tiny little problem.

Further down in the guts of the report we’re told that 926 new members joined the club, and that the retention rate of members is steady at 85%.

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Okay, lets get out the calculator again.

In the 2015 year there were – if you can believe the annual report – 2862 members of the Brisbane Racing Club.

85% of them were retained.

The maths is 2862 x 85% = 2433.

Now add in the 926 new members. You’ve been calculating fractional bookie board odds since you were a kid, and can spot it before I even do the sums can’t you?

2433 + 926 = 3359.

That’s not 3100 members is it sportsfans?

It’s 259 more.

In fact it’s just a tick under what Whimpey claims he and has team have grown the membership figure to in 2017.

The whole thing’s bullsh*t. Lies, lies and more lies. And then a few more lies again.

Between now and the AGM you’re going to hear a whole lot more. You’re going to be told all sorts of spurious tales about Archie Butterfly, and you’ll hear all manner of nonsense about my motivations, and my connections, and who’s putting me up to writing these stories, and who’s feeding me my info, that I’m a knocker, I’m negative, I’m just trying to run racing down, and blah blah blah blah blah ………

I wouldn’t be surprised if someone even started saying that I was screwing my sister, but you can write that one off right now because (a) Her hubby’s a soldier in the Aussie version of the SAS and would shoot me if I tried, and (b) She’s up the duff and I prefer my sheilas svelte.

Whatever the made up slander is going to end up being is sheer speculation, but it’ll be on don’t you worry about that, and the word leaking back is that its already begun. Ho hum halfwits, go and bag some bugger who cares

,Just take the tip and don’t believe a single word of their rubbish sportsfans. You’re smart enough to realise that the rorters are suddenly out wide in the open and desperate to do whatever they can to deflect attention away from themselves so they can slip away a duck for cover under the nearest clump of Kikuyu.

They’re a bit slow on the uptake these blokes – had it too good for too long I guess – and they haven’t worked out yet that the Fairies are out of the bottle and there’s nowhere really left for them to hide.

It’s time to man up and face the music fellas.

Archie here’s got no hidden agenda. I just love racing and can read a balance sheet and an annual report and a company search, that’s all. And I’m old enough to have been kicking around the race tracks for so long that I can spot a rort from seven miles away.

The time’s come to let you in on a little secret readers, and I can assure you that it’s 100% verifiable and the same percentage true.

I was in the steward’s room all afternoon on Saturday the 18th of August 1984.

Does the date mean anything to you?

Harbour Gold? Gus Philpot? Bold Personality? Fine Cotton? Ringing any bells?

Yes indeed.

My economics teacher at St Paul’s School was a bloke named Trevor Tindall.  A real nice bloke he was too. He knew I had an interest in racing – I think the form guide inside the text book gave me away – and so when it came time for the kids in my grade to do a couple of weeks of work experience Mr Tindall asked me if I’d like him to organise for me to do my fortnight in the real world with his Dad.

Andy was his old man’s name. Andy Tindall. The Chief Steward at Eagle Farm.

Would I like to spend two weeks away from school at a racetrack? Would I f*cking what! I’d cut off my bloody leg to, it was like a dream come true.

And so there I was, the fresh-faced curly-haired kid in the new first suit I’d splashed my entire savings from working Thursday Nights and Saturday mornings in the shoe department at Myer to buy, and here I am sitting quietly in a chair with my eyes as wide as saucers as the protest siren’s ringing out, and Mr Tindall and Mr Byrne and others are running around like rabbits and the cries of ‘ring-in!’ can be heard coming from all across the course.

See if you can find anyone who’s still around from that day and ask them if they remember the work experience kid. I can point you to a few if you like. That kid was me. I was there for the whole thing, just sitting quietly watching it all unfold and doing the right thing keeping out of the way.

Don’t be deceived by these dodgers horse lovers, and don’t let any Davie come lately try to tell you that Archie doesn’t know and love racing and hold the industry’s best interests at heart, or that I don’t have racing’s future foremost in his mind. I was here a long time before these wretched wreckers, and with a bit of luck and by the grace of God I’ll be here a long time after they have gone too.

Just like you.

So let’ not let them steal our dreams away hey?

Good luck, and have a winning day.

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