26 DEC 2016 – WARWICK

1500m BM 55

The drop back in distance won’t worry Maggie a bit. She doesn’t mind a quickie.

This one’s all over before its started. After all it is Boxing Day, and we’re all hung over.

The prizemoney steps up as we continue our March to the 2018 Cup.

Because this race and all of them from here on in are TAB meetings so out betting tactics change. Only a mug would advertise the strategy on Australia’s most popular non-mainstream website, so we’ll let you know in the daily Syndicate news closer to the big day, and then put it up on the BRC site in case you miss the mail. No-one reads that one so we’ll be sweet.

In the Bank – $7 550

Balance – $16 250

In the Kick – Lots

29 DEC 2017 – KILCOY

1900m Class 2

Back up to our crack distance and straight into the big time.

This race comes with a special owner prize of a bag of specially formulated potting mix to each of the owners, the formula being the chooks who poo in the bag looking east instead of west. Con Searle didn’t know there were 100 of us, we’ll send him broke.

The days of 10 length wins with her head on her chest are over for Maggie. We’re in the rarefied air now and it’s time to bring in the big guns. No not Shezamadshagah’s namesake’s tits. My Maggie’s have been there from the start. I’m talking an even bigger gun.

I’m talking Victor Wong.

The young bloke flies in from Adelaide in the morning. He hires a car at airport, drives to Clayfield and picks up The Rooster, and is at the track and walking the course to find the best ground before Rooster has even popped the cork on his first bottle of champers an hour before the first.

Vic gets it sussed. We win by six, hard held. Vic drives Rooster back to Vegas and drops him home on his way to the Airport. Rooster slings him a couple of pineapples for his kindness. He pockets the other three that he has been paid as travel expenses. Moet’s not cheap you know, and there’s no discount for quantity.

In the Bank – $10 400

Balance – $26 650

In the Kick  – Lots more

vic

An early portent of what’s to come in a month – Young Vic proudly sports the green and gold

1 JAN 2018 – BEAUDESERT

2450m BM60

Smart punters will notice we’re stepping Maggie up through the grades and progressively picking up more and more prizemoney but simultaneously she’d dropping in weight each start. There’s no use having a 170 IQ and being smarter than the Dux of Grammar if you’re not using it is there?

Victor flies back in. This time he’s got his Mum with him (we’ve slung her the fare from our Quinella clean up at Kilcoy). Mrs Wong tells Rooster about her restaurant back in Shangai, and ask him if he’s ever been to one of those Chinese joints where you pick your crab out of the dish tank and they pan sizzle the sucker and you scoff it. Rooster, unaware that he’s being hooked on the line says that he has, many time, and that it’s crackerjack. Mrs Wong smiles through gritted teeth, tells him good, then goes on to describe in detail her signature dish in the joint back home, which she explain to Rooster is very similar to the crab dish trick but differs in that involves her using a blackjack to stun a chook that her son chooses from a cage with a pair of binoculars and a mic in it full of fowls, reviving the chicken by pouring a glass of sparkling Summer Wine down its gillet, plucking its feathers out one by one using her teeth, slowly frying it alive in front of the dining punter at their table with a with a blowtorch, cutting off the cooked chook’s head with a deliberately blunted cleaver, and then serving it sizzling on a  dumbbell stuck end up in a bottle of Sam Adams beer.

She politely tells Rooster – whose face has morphed from its usual shade of deep scarlet and turned suddenly deathly pale – that recently she read an article on Its Not Normal about his 3 hour session at the Bunger with Archie Butterfly and discovered that in Queensland 2 equals 12, and tells him that means that today’s hitch hike out to the Dez will cost him a dozen pineapples instead of two, and while she’s telling him this Mrs Wong is flossing her teeth with a blunt cleaver and drinking straight from the bottle of a 2017 vintage magnum of Summer Wine.

Rooster replies that 12 pineapples is cheap at half the price and hand the wad of them over, and when Mrs Wong tells him she requires a receipt in case Archie Butterfly contacts her asks some hard questions about the trip Rooster pulls out a UBET issue pen faster than John Wayne drew his six shooter in True Grit and signs on the dotted line with a quivering hand and without looking, and it is only later that he discovers that he has confessed to a sly fraud on young Vic and has agreed to pay the lad $600 a week in damages and reparation for the rest of the term of his natural life, with the money to be deducted from his Tatts paid salary per the authorisation forming part of the contract he had signed.

With Vic on board – and after Mrs Wong has had a word to the other trainers in the race about her other speciality dish back in the restaurant back home, a live feast she tells them is known up and down the Silk Road as Little Dickie’s Ball – our champion leads all the way and off a soft early pace that it is only a tick slower than Cliffy Young’s sectionals in the Sydney to Melbourne shuffle – our Maggie bolts in by 20 lengths with the young bloke high in the irons and plenty to spare.

There is some type of mix-up after the last and unable to locate Rooster the Wong’s head off to the Vegas airport on their own with Sherbet’s ‘Howzat’ playing in the car full bore. On Monday Con Searle sends his potting mix CEO to the course to search for loose change that drunken punters might have dropped in the dunny, and the former RQ or BRC exec of the day wearing the badge reading “Chicken Sh*t Boss” finds Rooster passed out on the trone in a cubicle locked from the inside, surrounded by 3 dozen empty bottles of Moet.

The matter is hushed up and Rooster is sent home on the Kilto Park private helicopter that drops him off on the helipad on the roof of Nifty’s old mate’s stable in the infield at the Farm. The BRC issues a press release stating that Archie Butterfly trapped the race caller in the Zillman Waterholes Bar at the Bunger, held him down face-up  by the neck on the Castlemaine Perkins bar runner and had Annie pour a dozen schooners of XXXX down his throat before transporting him on the courtesy bus to Eagle Farm and locking him in the never renovated 100 year old dunnies down under where the old tote odds semaphore board used to be.

Maggie features on the front page of the Courier-Mail the day after her win and Nigel Nobody, who has replaced Nathan Exelby as Racing Editor of the paper after the announcement of a CCC probe into cash for comment, compares her to the great mares Winx and Black Caviar under the banner headline “Maggie Makes a Threesome”. A smiling Archie is in the background, with one arm around a hot young blonde and the other hand on his wife’s ample left breast.

In the Bank – $12 800

Balance – $39 450

In the Kick – Heaps