So totally off the cuff the other day I write this cracker of a story about this cracker of a bird named Laura Cheshire who’s a gun jockey, an animal welfare activist, a loyal friend who never forgets her mates, and an all round cool person full stop.

I wasn’t intending to write the story at all, I had merely contacted Laura – who I’d never spoken to before and have never met in the flesh (poor me, I suffer) – to confirm a couple of facts for a piss take story I was writing based on a tip that when she’d applied to renew her jockey’s licence she received a greyhound trainer’s permit instead, but we got chatting and during the conversation I thought to myself ‘Wow! This young jockey is one hell of an impressive human being’ and so I decided to stretch the story out, and published what I reckon is a beauty of a tale.

Needing a couple of pictures to pad out the yarn I asked Laura if she could email me some, and being a busy modern self-supporting woman and on her way to work at 5 in the morning she suggested I might want to grab a couple off her Facebook page. Of course being a hard worker myself I’d already sussed her FB out, and laughingly suggested that all I could find were bikini shots, and told her that if she was too bloody lazy to email me some others I was going to post them.

Laura laughed back, and said she’d rather I published the picture of her and Houtzen, the great Queensland hope in the big Everest race the next day, and so after a bit of haggling and some explanation about how I write in this larrikin character as a satirical device and needed to keep up appearances we agreed to split it down the middle and that by way of juxtaposition between idiotic societal ideas about beauty and ability I’d publish both, with the Houtzen shot at the top of the story.

You bloody beauty I thought, and after the story copped more than 10 000 unique views on this site and attracted almost a thousand likes on Laura’s FB page she probably did too.

And then I copped this below, and because I find it offensive – not to me, I don’t get offended, but to Laura and my wife and my daughters and women all round – I feel compelled to respond.

What you’re reading and hopefully continue to read is my response.


You are right Kathryn.

You are going to cop it for this.

Tomorrow I’m posting a photo of me in my Speedos.

Sorry for the sight you’re going to be subjected to sportsfans, but it’s all that high quality journalist who jumps to ill-informed conclusions and publishes them on Facebook without fact checking’s fault.

I tried to read some of Kathryn’s work as a journalist tonight, but I couldn’t find any.

Funny that.

I found this though.


Geez people who objectify women and entrench gender stereotypes are arseholes aren’t they?

I’m a Dad of two daughters too. This is them.


This one’s the captain and dux of a Brisvegas Catholic School. What’s the Mick’s world coming to hey? Next thing you know they’ll start believing in the message of the Gospels!


This one wants her son to be a poof and get married. What did I work my fingers to the bone as the stereotypical patriarchal male bread winner to earn the 10k a year to pay the Papist school fees for hey? What’s that luv? I didn’t? You did? You supported me so I could pursue my art and follow my dream of being the 21st century Banjo? Sh*t. Don’t tell Kathryn, whatever you do. She might claim that I’m a misogynist prick.


Crazy? Weird? A Sasquatch? Hold my grandson the wrong way? You little ……..!!!!!!!

Mad raving feminists the pair. Gee I wonder where they got that from? Was it their Mum who was running women’s legal services and standing out in the blazing North Qld sun handing out feminist how to vote literature while Kathryn was riding around in self-obsessed circles in an air conditioned Velodrome, and likes to get her tits out?

Or their sexist c*nt of Dad who was working on developing and implementing same sex marriage policy reform in New Zealand and copping death threats three times a day along the way, and later flogging himself helping develop and implement the Domestic Violence paid leave reforms that have recently found their way into law thanks to the efforts of so many wonderful people in the union movement and beyond?

Maybe it was just a fluke, and the young birds in the picture above became proto-feminist types BECAUSE OF and IN SPITE OF THE FACT that their parents were dumb-arsed misogynist mo-fo’s who leave their kids in care while they go on 150 km two-wheeled pursuits of personal pleasure just cos it feels good.

I’ll let you be the judge sportsfans, and please forgive me if I may be so bold as to suggest that you talk to folk who know Maggie and me before you go making up your mind like Kathryn Feldmaier has, because you will come to a far more balanced, reasoned and correct conclusion I can absolutely assure you.

Am I pissed at the girl who wears tight lycra and decries the right of a bloke to like tits and respect women at the same time?

Nup. I went to hell and saw the devil as a teenager, so I don’t get angry.

I just try and educate ignorant stirrup strappers with one wheel loose.

That and get square.


The bloke on the right is Shaun. He’s the wife’s best mate and was best man at our wedding. The fella he’s kissing is Chris, his husband. He’s a great bloke, salt of the earth, likes footy and is a damn good cook too. The picture’s taken at their wedding. My daughter took it. The hands on the right are the missus’. She used to be in charge of women’s issues at the Uni back in the days when she ran the whole anti-sexist show and organised the anti-rape and sexual assault rallies.

My wife gets that satire, humour and taking the piss are more effective tools against gender based violence than standing on a soap box and pointing fingers at good men that due to your ignorance and lack of knowledge about the life-long trauma and effects of child sexual abuse and PTSD you don’t understand.

That’s why she encourages me to publish pictures of her tits, so you can look at them and go ‘Gee that Archie’s a sexist prick’ and she and I can roll around on the king size bed laughing.


That and a bit more.

Laura Cheshire gets it. That’s why she is so cool, and such a wonderful role model for the empowerment of young women who aren’t afraid to say “Hey, this is my body and it’s bloody good too, but it doesn’t make me what I am as a person, and only those who are yet to get or believe in Burqas reckon you can’t be a woman and a strong worthwhile person too”.

F*ck ISIS and their anti-woman ideas.

Hang your tits out with pride and laugh.

And then ride plenty of winners, or kick arse at whatever it is you do.

Grrrrllll Power!

Written by a bloke who has 2 daughters and reckons that they’re bomb.

PS – I wonder if Laura’s into threesomes?