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So its Saturday the 8th of July and it’s a beautiful mid-winter’s late afternoon with light fading away over the ranges as the horses score up for the first of an outstanding eleven race program highlighted by the running of the time honored Group 2 Sunshine Sprint open to all comers and paced over the mile, and the 3YO classic for fillies the Queensland Oaks over the middle distance of 2138 metres.

The Sunshine Sprint’s been downgraded to a Group 2 race in recent years – I blame the doped up 2016 edition winner Avonnova for that – and the prizemoney’s been halved, but it’s still wort $50 000 which is no small beer in the harness racing sport, and the Oaks is worth 50% more again with a prize money pool of $75 grand and even more to be had in sires incentive bonuses if a Queensland-bred filly can snatch the cake.

Yep, there’s a lot of dough to be won in those two races, but even when you put the pots of gold on offer together there’s still more to be had in one of the lowliest races on the 11 race card, the UBET Band 5 Pace which runs at 5.05 pm as race 1 on the card before most of the punters and fans even arrive at the track, and by golly gee and jingo that bucket of gold is a whole lot easier to win as I’ll explain in a second.

It seems a bloody strange thing that a bog-standard race run at an unsociable hour could be worth more than the combined total of two time-honoured events  that are among the most prestigious on the annual Queensland harness racing calendar being run on the same night doesn’t it sportsfans?

But there’s reason, and that reason is that for some inexplicable reason UBET have decided in the company’s great wisdom to tip $25 000 that it’s skimmed out of gallops racing quadrella pools into a jackpot First 4 bonus on the first race of the night, and in its great wisdom the Albion Park Harness Racing Club headed by the Rooster – who’s got the numbers on the board over Clip Clop, if you believe what the chicken’s got to say after a few beers anyway – have in their wisdom decided to guarantee the First 4 pool on the plodders race to the tune of $100 000, although where the hell they will get the dough to make up the shortfall if there’s one is anyone’s guess because the club is losing money hand over foot year on year and the industry is losing even more.

They didn’t need to worry though because by some miracle that occurs in total contradiction to logic, history, mathematics, the universal laws of wagering, and simple common sense the First 4 pool for the UBET Band 5 Pace that kicks off while the TAB’s are empty and Cuter Than Cute Crystal at the Zillmere agency is emptying the bins, and the pubs are deserted, and there are about 20 people at the track betting on the tote jump to a massive $132 389.00, almost 30% percent more than that of the similarly guaranteed $100 000 trifecta pool on the last race run at the far more popular Doomben gallops just 25 minutes before.

The Rooster and Clip Clop want you to believe that these pools are real and organic and simply a result of the inspirational Albion Park leadership that has guaranteed the pools and just like Peter V’Landys of the AJC has led the club up the mountain and to the pinnacle of turnover revenue success.

If you believe Clip Clop and the Chook you’re an imbecile. Show me any race, anywhere with a guaranteed exotic wagering pool that is 20 odd times the total win bet pool on the same race.

Go on, have a crack. It’s a challenge to any naysayer who says that I’m wrong, and I will put up a carton for every successful entry that can find me one run between the turn of the 21st century and the date that I first started writing about this issue, and only one term and condition applies.

The race can’t be at Albion Park.

Like I say, stop telling me I’ve got it arse up and find me an example that fits the bill.

One, just one, and you have 17 years, 10 months and 21 days over which you can find it.

Bet you can’t, and I’ll tell you why.

Because the fix is in.

The pools are bullsh*t, designed merely to artificially – and totally falsely – for two reasons.

One is to boost the turnover figures at Albion Park and disguise the fact that since Clip Clop – for reasons of imperative and richly rewarding other business deals and opportunities – took his eye off the ball, or had to anyway to allow the other deals to come to fruition, and allowed his erstwhile and thoroughly decent committed but totally limited yes men run the joint, it’s been financially f*cked and bleeds money like a stuck flying pink pig.

The second is that the guarantee by the club and the money wagered into the pool on Field – Field – Field – Field combination bets guaranteed to deliver a winning ticket at a reduced investment: return ratio that a rich devotee of the sport who’s making plenty elsewhere mask the fact that the UBET jackpot that has been tossed into the pot, and is free money, can be grabbed with both hands by any crew smart enough to rig certain elements of the race and make sure that a few of the multitude of combination tickets leaving certain well fancied horses out of their expected holes returns a dividend that makes their race fixing conspiracies well worth the minimal risk involved after the Chief Steward’s copped his unholy pre-race sling.

Prove me wrong.

Find me the race with the exotic pool twenty times the win pool and win the carton.

C’mon Rooster!

C’mon Clip Clop!

Show the world that Archie’s got the whole thing wrong.

In the meantime I’ll show you how to rort an inflated First 4 Pool.