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He’s a funny fella The Bantam, in more ways than one.

But I like him, even though of course he doesn’t read this website.

Oh no, never, he wouldn’t stoop to such puerile depths as reading such profanity laden Geebung trash, not in a million f*cking years.

Isn’t it funny then that he wrote this in his column last night for the Horse Racing Only website?

It’s like I’m Little Yid from the Damon Runyon story For a Pal and The Bantam’s Blind Benny I reckon.

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Did your grandma ever tell you the adage about not biting off more than you can chew? Or the one about not starting something unless you’re prepared to finish it?

I’ve been having a quick look at the Ipswich program for today, and in between trying to work out which races might end in a photo finish that The Bantam can f*ck up I’ve come up with a few interestingly named racehorses myself.

Yes David, those 4 legged creatures with the manes and the names are called racehorses. The cleverly named races are what they compete in.

To make it simple just think 4 legs racehorse, 2 legs jockey, no legs race.

Got it sweetheart?

Anyway, back to my cleverly named horse selections at Ipswich, and I’ve decided I’m going to give them a name.

The Bantam Call.

Here’s a tip to you all sportsfans.

No matte how intelligent you are or how high your IQ, never imagine for a second that you’re the smartest bird or bloke in the room, because there’s always someone brighter.

I spent an hour and a half with Clip Clop not long ago, and I’ve got an IQ of 170 tested and correct, but I can guarantee that there was someone smarter than me in that office, maybe even 2 people.

Follow the Kenny Rogers principles of life and you’ll never go wrong.

Here’s The Bantam Call for Ipswich.

Race 1:

Hard Evidence

Real Saga – Bright Ballerina

(It even wears lime green and hot pink sleeves & a hot pink cap. Ooh la la Bantam boy!)

Race 3:

Trust Issues

Trusting – Rogues

Race 4:

Dream of Ascot

Exceedingly Good – Satisfaction

Boiling

Hidden Dragon – Bubbled

Race 5:

Lip Sync

Snitzel – Watch My Lips

Snippet of Hope

Snippetson – Winged Hope

Another Slipper

Sebring – Private Nancy

Captain Clayton

Danbird – Princess By Night

Race 6:

Dirty Dave will love this one, because I’ve got a Golden Archer too, and he likes pegs and arses and is our arch princess of the Vegas tracks, pubs, restaurants, bars, bottlos and probably sly grog swills too.

Robin Hood

Golden Archer – Pag Asa Princess

Time To Play

Jetspur – Eminence Grice

Red Colour

Red Element – Priscilla

Race 8:

Agapantha

Clang – Timeo

Selfie

Tycoon Ruler – Majestic Image