Well, well, well, well, well.

The Lord may well be by Shepherd, and he may not punt, but he certainly didn’t make me down to lie in pastures green at Eagle Farm because there aren’t any, and BRC Director – sorry, former BRC Director – Johnny ‘Elvis’ Shepherd has decided to take the bolt just 5 weeks after being re-elected and has done a Hayden Haitana and disappeared out the headquarters back door.

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Smart man that Elvis Shepherd. His business has too much to lose from the Ascot Green development for him to put at risk by being associated with the crook of a CEO and stoner running the joint Whimpey Dave.

Well that’s my Bunger Boy’s theory anyway, and Elvis’s role on the Master Planning and Finance, Governance and Risk Management committees certainly lend some weight to it.

For a bloke whose business is property development and investment it was certainly the right place to be, although I’m sure that if there was even a skerrick of a sniff of a conflict of interest with his personal or business interests, or those of any of his family members, business partners or close friends then Elvis would have declared it in the Club register, because that’s what Vegas boys who carry combs in their pocket do.

Well, that and the fact that under the Corporations Act it’s an offence punishable by imprisonment not to declare it, anyway.

I gave the good Mr Shepherd a call a couple of minutes ago to seek a comment about his sudden exit, and he advised me that it was due to personal circumstances, and that he could no longer find the time to perform the duties of the role.

I did ask whether those onerous once a month meetings were all too much, but of course I was just being a smart arse and as I had my Brigham Young firmly in my Albany Creek I didn’t think it fair to the bloke to seek a response, but just thanked Elvis for his time and courtesy and wished him good luck.

One page turns and another one opens, and now under the queer constitution of the BRC that was clearly designed by a dictator dedicated to remaining in absolute control we now have a casual vacancy on the board for the next 3 years that in the finest tradition of democracy guess who gets to choose Elvis’s replacement?

No it’s not Priscilla, or Lisa-Marie either.

The members?

Funny one.

Nifty Nev and the bang-bang boys of course.

The BRC Board themselves.

Well chaps, I know you’re reading, so here it is.

I’m available.

votearch

But look, I know that now his life ban’s lifted Hayden Haitana is too, so being the straight shooter that I am I have to tell you that the Kiwi’s got a lot more experience in the ring-in department than I have – I’m still a virgin – so I recommend that he be your first preference.

But if you can’t find Haitana, you know where I am. Wayne Innes got his mate’s mate at the police station to look it up on the computer (I wonder which girlfriend’s place’s address he got? Cos of my PTSD I lose my licence three times every month, and being an honest sort of bugger I put down whatever address I’m my bat that night as my home).

Yep, if Hayden’s not prepared to step up to the plate Nifty, I’m in.

I won’t let you down fellas.

Only gently anyway.

“What’s that Mum? I’m talking to Little Dickie on the phone!”

muffled sounds in the background

“Hey Dickie, Mum says not to worry about going the selection criteria and interview process. Mavis over the fence tells her that there’s gunna be two vacancies! We’re both in! Waddya reckon?”