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I didn’t paste together this picture, I swear.

The Brisbane Racing Club did.

It is a promotion for the club’s week long big screen extravaganza of free old Christmas movies obtained from the five for a dollar bin at the Nundah Blockbuster closing down sale being shown each night from the 18th to the 22nd of December.

I have to confess sportsfans that in my search for the meaning of life and a use for a deserted racetrack without a track I came up with many ideas – a car park, a pokie barn, the locale for shooting the 748 person orgy scene in the Equine Porn movie ‘Why Do All the Grand Old Dames Circuits Turn to Sand (Part III – Let’s F*ck Each Other Like the BRC F*cked the Course Good and Proper), a doss house for broken down and battered former board members, a zoo even – but I never, ever even dreamed of the idea of bringing the drive in cinema back at Eagle Farm.

What a bloody brilliant idea! The club’s losing money hand over foot, full fee-paying members are walking out the door in droves, the track rebuild-rebuild is yet to begin, a Winter Carnival at headquarters is just a fantasy, costs need to be reduced and fast so the books can be balanced and the accounts put back in order.

So what do the BRC do?

Put on a week of 20 year old free movies that everyone in the world has already seen half a dozen times, throw in a free Santa and a bloke dressed in a horse suit and calling himself George, pitch in some free face painting for the kiddies and about $20 grands worth of electricity to power the Southern Hemisphere’s largest dormant big screen – which will be well outdated by the time racing resumes at Eagle Farm, if in fact it ever does – and call it a picnic, even though it’s being held in the dark at night.

Now children, there is only one prawn each ….

And what do the BRC get in return other than the dubious goodwill of a bunch of broke local dopeheads and stoners who will never visit the track again in their lives, unless the club put on the Jaws trilogy in January?

2/3rd’s of 6/10th’s of f*ck all, 24/25’s of it from the quarter of the Eagle Farm Food Truck’s (huh?) stock of picnic baskets that are actually flash cardboard boxes containing 6 prawns exactly, and six oysters too, and a wee bit of cheese to cleanse the pallet.

The other three quarters of the perishables piled up in the truck each night won’t be sold, but that’s alright because they are not really meant to be, for these foodstuffs are slated for donation to a most deserving children’s charity.

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Whimpey Dave’s kids surf club at North Burleigh 100km away.

The retro drive in idea might not make any dough on paper, bit truly Trudii how does one put a price on the social good?

Or on idiocy or incompetence or hair-brained ‘sounds like a good’ ideas?

Let’s just give it a name instead.

We’ll call it ……. BRC.

Ho ho ho.

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