Sugar Ray Robinson

82 – 0 as an amateur. 121-1-2 as a professional. 84 knockouts. Undisputed world titles at 4 different weights. 91 wins in a row from 1943-1951. Stepped up in weight and made the Raging Bull Jake La Motta look like a fool. What more can I say?

Banker

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Lightest weighted winner of the Melbourne Cup; won the 3rd running of the race in 1863 (the highest weighted winner was Carbine in 1890 carrying 66.5kg; the highest weight ever carried in The Cup was of course carried by Phar Lap, 68kg in 1931. The winner White Nose carried 43.5kg. And you reckon Makybe Diva didn’t get in light?)

Lyle Lovett

Ugliest country and western singer in the world, sported the worst hairstyle in music and dressed like a church usher. Pulled Julia Roberts and married her. Go figure.

The Kuril in the statue The World Turns at GOMA

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That lightweight little bugger turned the whole bloody world upside down and ended up on top. Forget those pervy homo-erotic Mickey Angelo reliefs of rent boys; The World Turns is the best statue on the planet (a nose in front of Gunsynd in Goondoowindi and Henry Lawson in the Sydney CBD) and its sculptor, the Maori artist Michael Parekowhai, is the greatest little known creative genius on the planet.

Kylie Minogue

Weighs 50kg dripping wet but my goodness, isn’t that 50kg well formed. Sings, dances, acts, was Charlene in Neighbours, shags male models (lucky bastards), sang a song about Grant Stockwell (above). The divine Miss M defied all the odds to become one of Australia’s greatest ever music and entertainment success stories.

Alfie Langer

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Knee high to a grasshopper but played 34 Origin Games for Queensland including the famous 2001 game when he returned from England to score a try and set up two others and almost single-handed won us the series. 24 games in the Kangaroo jersey, premierships for Africa, invented the St George Can’t Play song, cemented his legend by dancing on the table at the Normanby in his undies. Legend.

Little Johnny Howard

I hated his politics and policies, particularly on Workchoices and refugees, but the little prick was a wildly popular Prime Minister for 11 years and only got beaten by a bloke who turned out to be a fraud. You may not like Little Johnny, but you have to respect him.

Oxygen

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Doesn’t weigh all that much, and woman beaters thieve it, but all the rest of this article wouldn’t exist without it. Neither would you.

Archie Butterfly

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Nah, just kidding. I went up in the weight divisions years ago unfortunately.

Grant Stockwell

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Big talking woman basher, druggie and common criminal who talks a good game and wins matches against weaker teams through intimidation and violence when the person he’s hitting weighs 25kg less and is trying to protect her child. Talked a big game against Archie and chucked in a bit of someone else’s bottle – he has none himself – and a few piss ant intended harassment calls but when you’re dealing with Archie that sort of sh*t has the absolute opposite effect to the one intended, and is like turning the blowtorch back on the gas bottle. Won’t answer his phone or apartment door when Archie’s at the other end, and is avoiding his usual haunts while Archie and the bros are looking for him. Weighed in light when it counted. Blokes who bash women always do.