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Everyone knows I have a huge wrap on Laura Cheshire.

Most people think I want to f*ck her, but it’s not true.

The only sheila I want to shag is Maggie, but if from time to time other gals insist on joining us, well who the hell am I to tell them no?

Laura’s not one of them.

She’s just a good chick, and a damn wonderful human being.

Her strike rate’s shithouse, but that’s because Laura left a promising career as young rider in New Zealand and came over here to live because Australia’s the best country on earth at the time that no-one knew who she were, and as a result she’s been riding dogs from pretty much the moment she set foot on the golden soil.

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It’s a bit sad that she doesn’t get the opportunities that she should, because this bird can actually ride, and is as tough as three boots and you’d back her in a jostling duel against any male rider anywhere, any day of the week.

As much as she dreams at night about going at the clock tower and stealing The Cup though, the truth is that Laura doesn’t really give a f*ck whether her strike rate is 5 percent or 50.

She just loves riding horses.

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Laura loves animals too, which is one of the reasons we first talked, because I hate the bastards* and wanted to know what she found so great about tics and rashes and kicks and fleas.

‘Everything’ was her answer.

That’ll do me.

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